From a life of observation, as you know, I’ve reached the conclusion that how we feel is what’s most important to human beings. Everything seems to get channeled through the filter of “how do we feel about it?” We go to Hawaii and rent a room over Waikiki for that magic moment. What does that […]
Trading in the Old Paradigm of Right/Wrong – Part 1/3
The Mother said something at the beginning of the year that only becomes more relevant with the passage of time: “This sense that one is right, and one is wrong, that one is correct, and one is incorrect… I am bringing you, I am bringing this planet into the place of unity consciousness, into the […]
I See It in Myself
This morning I observed myself as I acted mechanically, below awareness, and aggressively. The situation was mundane. I’ve been allowing my waste paper pile to grow rather than shredding it as we go along. It’s reached sizable proportions and I’ve come to a shred-it-now-or-never point. I’m having a real but crazy argument with myself and […]
Huge Commitment to the Work
Seeing the script I have playing – and the discoveries that it’s leading to – is like an earthquake in my life. (1) And it’s led to numerous aftershocks. It’s opened the door for me to complete the cycle of domestic abuse that occurred in our household. It’s led me to see the identity I […]
An Almost-Near Near-Death Experience
Now that my parents’ two-handed card game of arrogance and depression is up to awareness, I’ve been observing how often it operates in me. The number of times I wince in a day is large and that wincing is me imitating my Mother’s reactions to my Dad. I hate the wincing. I feel like I’ve […]
From Vasanas to Scripts
I recently had a breakthrough in my cleansing process. Up till now I’d been processing singular vasanas (or core issues) as they erupted. (1) A few days back, something different presented itself. I felt awful and there was no reason that I could see why I might feel that way. So I began to observe. […]
Not Out of the Woods
I’ve been walking around triggering myself for a while now. And if I walk the trigger back, I find that I’m disappointed in myself (Mother). I’m disappointed because I reacted to some forgotten thought with irritation, anger, aggressiveness, or some negative attitude (Father). I have my Father and Mother endlessly arguing in my head. The […]
Drinking the Poison, Hoping They’ll Die – Part 1/2
I’d like to make a distinction between objective fact and subjective interpretation. The worst I ever did was steal a chocolate bar. OK, a tin of rock candy too. For both of which I was caught and disciplined. That’s an objective fact. Apart from those cries for help (my father was hitting my mother), I […]
Come Out! Come Out! Whoever You Are
If I have it all already inside me, if all of this is a process of remembering, if the only obstacle is what I put in my own way, then come out! Come out! Whoever you are! I will stop blocking your way. I am no longer afraid of standing here as I am. I […]
Riding the Horse in the Direction It’s Going
Most people define their careers in terms of what exists. And they fit into a possibly well-defined career description. My first career – history – had not been well defined the two subfields – cultural history and evolutionary history – that I chose to specialize in at the time (1968-73). But to go further I […]
The Eternal Journey
Wow, what a discipline it is not to fall off the wagon and resort to pushy, aggressive behaviour, however subtle. I may be in the black, on the uplift, but my behaviour patterns – the leftovers and last to go – are still suspicious, hostile, etc. Only so much time remains to cleanse and purify […]
The Way Life Works for Me – Part 1/2
One way I go from feeling power-less to affect the large world out there – which is in the process of waking up from the longest-imaginable sleep – to power-full is to remember that my absolutely most powerful position and best contribution is to change, to refashion, to transform myself. Never mind that I’m now […]
Speak of a Beachhead
Before thinking about bringing peace to the world, we may need to bring peace to ourselves. This article is part of that process for me. I notice I’m not creating as much residue, as much debris in my wake as I used to. I’m still dropping a royal clanger every now and then, but not […]
Thank You to the Troll Under the Bridge … and Goodbye
I’ve reached the end of the road with an act of mine, a racket, a number. I’ve processed this number before. I’m processing it now at a much deeper level. Its presenting sign is that I wake up in the morning and I’m not cheerful. Nothing has happened that I be anything but cheerful, but […]
Riding Out the Perfect Storm
For me this seems like a time of strangeness, a time of weirdness. On the one hand, I feel determined in certain areas; on the other hand, I feel weak and vacillating in others. There was a cartoon in one of the leading magazines decades ago called “Top Dog/Underdog.” Inside was the outline of a […]
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