I recently had a breakthrough in my cleansing process.
Up till now I’d been processing singular vasanas (or core issues) as they erupted. (1) A few days back, something different presented itself.
I felt awful and there was no reason that I could see why I might feel that way. So I began to observe. “Feel to heal,” Kathleen says and I did so.
I named the feeling I was having as depression and I followed it. I used Kathleen’s question: “How does this feeling relate to the past?”
But I wasn’t just feeling depressed. I was depressed one minute and … arrogant, self-important the next.
I had no idea that the two were even related or, if they were, how. I was confused and puzzled by the apparently-conflicting emotions.
And then I saw it.
I was not dealing with an ordinary vasana per se. I was dealing with a two-handed script. Two people’s vasanas were talking to each other – in patterned ways.
I’ve dealt with scripts in the distant past as well, as part of cleansing a vasana, but I have no active memory of it. I know it was a subject we discussed decades ago. (2)
What was the script that was being played out in the background of my consciousness?
My family went through a cycle of abuse – mounting disagreement, then a fight, then separation, then making up, then mounting disagreement…. It went on endlessly.
My Dad really believed he was – and had to be – “the man of the house.” He could be arrogant, self-important.
When that happened my Mother invariably responded with disappointment and depression and, surprised at not getting the deference he expected, they fought.
They followed a predictable script and what’s happening for me is that, if one side of their two-handed script gets triggered, the other side comes up with it.
I saw the problem arise after I had a grumpy, irritable thought. I became depressed almost right after it. And I finally recognized what was happening as something I knew well.
I’m recalling how Dad, when he got in one of his moods, would wreck everything that stood in his path. I now know about the difficulties of his own childhood and can appreciate why he was that way. But it was no fun growing up with it.
I now see myself playing my Dad’s and Mom’s hands, sequentially. I have both inside my mind.
Previously I would have looked for layers in a single vasana – depression is one layer, say; arrogance a second. But this was clearly the family’s circular emotional process having been etched in stone in memory, rather than my own singular reaction pattern or vasana.
In the Sixties, we’d have gotten at scripts people live, as Claude Steiner called them, through such means as psychodrama and rule reconstruction. (3) But these and other growth processes are probably little practiced today.
So now I can add “scripts” to the phenomena to be fruitfully observed. One by one these knots in consciousness will be released.
The real learning lies in observing these inner constructions. Ascension will cleanse us of all of them. Now is the time, in my view, to do it ourselves and perfect our self-healing skills.
But if you want to be rid of the script now and in one go, rather than learn from it by observing it, then invoke the universal law:
I invoke the Divine Mother and the Law of Elimination to take this script of abuse away from me, immediately and forever, and erase all traces of it from my thoughts, feelings, and behavior.
(1) Using the upset clearing process: “How to Handle Unwanted Feelings: The Upset Clearing Process,” April 25, 2011, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2011/04/25/how-to-handle-unwanted-feelings-the-upset-clearing-process/
(2) When I wrote this I forgot that I’d stumbled across this same two-handed script in mid-August 2021: See “Not Out of the Woods,”
(3) Psychodrama involved having other members of an encounter group play important members of the family with lines they had to say. Rule reconstruction would involve positioning people to reconstruct a rule in the family – so, father glaring, with arms crossed; mother nagging; sister sticking out her tongue; etc. The sight of the family “statues” usually triggered insights, including scripts people lived.