I read a passage from the Mother and it unleashed a vasana (or core issue) which I’m still in the midst of processing. Naturally I ran for the computer.
The passage from the Mother was this:
“You are already ‘in and out’ of the fulfillment of your ascension.
“[What] is the final watermark? It is this creation process. It is not only you accepting and anchoring and being the fullness of your creator self – because you can do that quietly sitting in your room or the privacy of your office. It is taking the actions, being in the stillpoint, the silence, the spaciousness, the dreaming, the expression, the fulfilment of your hopes.” (1) [My emphasis.]
I let out a profound “Yes!” when I read that passage. “Because you can do that quietly sitting in your room or the privacy of your office.” I experienced this as a profound validation of the writer’s path I’m on, which is done “quietly sitting in your room.”
I didn’t know it at the time but I regarded myself as “stealing time away from” other tasks to write. I was “lucky” if I could scrounge some time, etc. I had not validated my writing as my lifetime choice of dedicated activity. I was a thief secretly enjoying his prize.
Mark this down as another example of changing one’s vote. After realizing I had never validated my life’s choice, I changed my vote to validating my life’s choice. Fundamental shift here.
And then I felt sad. The vasana said: I’ve worked a lifetime to get to the position where I’m able to write, to express myself, to say what I think needs to be said without limitation, distraction, or any other tug, pull, or influence.
It’s taken this long, it said, and now that I have it, I’m going to hold onto it.
And what is “it”? I asked the vasana. I’m not sure, it replied. It’s more than just privacy. It’s as if, in the act of clearing the decks for writing, I cleared the inner decks as well.
Let me step in now.
I feel at this moment the same inner expansion that I felt on June 6, 2021, just before something merged in me. (2) Back then I felt like I had a grotto-sized empty space inside myself. It was at that moment that I was joined by a second entity….
The big change is internal, not external. Something has clicked. Some puzzle piece has fallen into place.
I feel complete. I feel a confidence and satisfaction that arises out of considering that I’ve achieved the space I was unconsciously seeking all this time. A kind of longing and quizzicalness has now gone. I am here, not like I knew I was seeking any particular place or even seeking anything at all.
(Concluded below in Part 2.)
(1) “Transcript ~ The Divine Mother: New Year’s Message 2017,” December 31, 2016 at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2016/12/31/new-years-message-2017/
(2) See “And Here It Is,” June 11, 2021, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2021/06/11/and-here-it-is/ and “Mapping a Possible Soul Merge,”