Toward a World that Works for Everyone
This morning I observed myself as I acted mechanically, below awareness, and aggressively. The situation was mundane. I’ve been allowing my waste paper pile to grow rather than shredding it as we go along. It’s reached sizable proportions and I’ve come to a shred-it-now-or-never point. I’m having a real but crazy argument with myself and […]
Since seeing the two-handed script of my Mom and Dad arguing, I’ve been watching my moods, my inner chatter. (1) I’m seeing that the impact on me of watching their heart-breaking conflict, day in and day out, or whenever I ventured out of my room, (2) was way beyond what I’ve seen so far. For […]
Seeing the script I have playing – and the discoveries that it’s leading to – is like an earthquake in my life. (1) And it’s led to numerous aftershocks. It’s opened the door for me to complete the cycle of domestic abuse that occurred in our household. It’s led to me see the identity I […]
Now that my parents’ two-handed card game of arrogance and depression is up to awareness, I’ve been observing how often it operates in me. The number of times I wince in a day is large and that wincing is me imitating my Mother’s reactions to my Dad. I hate the wincing. I feel like I’ve […]
As the chaos swirls outside, the chaos swirls inside as well. In this article I process a residual feeling state. Doing this, I hope, allows me to do a better job in post-Reval roles. And of course every one I can dissolve frees me and elevates my space, which is a contribution to Ascension. It’s […]
I’ve been walking around triggering myself for a while now. And if I walk the trigger back, I find that I’m disappointed in myself (Mother). I’m disappointed because I reacted to some forgotten thought with irritation, anger, aggressiveness, or some negative attitude (Father). I have my Father and Mother endlessly arguing in my head. The […]
(Concluded from Part 1, yesterday.) I had such a classic example of old programming going off this morning, exactly as I was working on this article. I have to relate it here. A friend phoned earlyish in the morning and asked me a favor which was at the limits of inconvenience. I said “no,” but […]
I’d like to make a distinction between objective fact and subjective interpretation. The worst I ever did was steal a chocolate bar. OK, a tin of rock candy too. For both of which I was caught and disciplined. That’s an objective fact. Apart from those cries for help (my father was hitting my mother), I […]
Most people define their careers in terms of what exists. And they fit into a possibly well-defined career description. My first career – history – had not been well defined the two subfields – cultural history and evolutionary history – that I chose to specialize in at the time (1968-73). But to go further I […]
March 19, 2021 Fierce-throated beauty! Roll through my chant with all thy lawless music, thy swinging lamps at night, Thy madly-whistled laughter… Thy trills of shrieks by rocks and hills return’d, Launch’d o’er the prairies wide, across the lakes, To the free skies unpent and glad and strong. ~Walt Whitman, To a Locomotive in Winter […]
I’m always pleasantly surprised when someone writes in and says that troll article really resonated with me; I don’t think I’d call mine a troll, but waking up to a low emotional baseline I can relate to. Heavens, I write awareness/stream of consciousness in the hope beyond hope that it resonates with others and helps […]
We read about nice, mild-mannered people suddenly killing their parents or spraying a supermarket with bullets. Their friends and neighbors might say they never suspected that that was in this person. They’re like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. (1) What does that depiction actually point to? Well, as far as I’m aware, it refers to […]
I’ve reached the end of the road with an act of mine, a racket, a number. I’ve processed this number before. I’m processing it now at a much deeper level. Its presenting sign is that I wake up in the morning and I’m not cheerful. Nothing has happened that I be anything but cheerful, but […]
When I think of Ascension as a journey up a mountain, I weep. Because for me, that’s how it’s seemed. I could have said pulling myself out of a swamp. Or crossing a desert. These are just images, but I feel so tired looking at the journey from this vantage point. It’s been a long […]
Everything, it seems, is a confidence game. Not just as in a swindle. Let’s leave that meaning aside and look at the role of confidence in what we do in our everyday lives. I could never drive a bus. I don’t have the confidence. I could never fly an airplane, do heart surgery, or drive […]
