Toward a World that Works for Everyone
I’m processing a non-directed vein of anger that’s arisen in me. I’m processing it as anger itself rather than as something connected to just one incident or issue. I want to deal with anger as an impulse. I thought anger worked for me at some point in my life, even though it didn’t. Now that […]
For the first time in memory, I got angry this evening and, instead of hurling allegations at another, who after all “made me mad,” instead of festering with it, instead of revenging myself on the other person, I opened to the experience of it. It turned out to be a feeling just like any other. […]
Having committed to the divine qualities, as a way of anchoring myself in them, what next confronts me are the reaction patterns that vasanas (core issues, early childhood trauma) give rise to. Up till now, I’ve been mainly concerned with my vasanas, and not with the automatic reaction patterns they give rise to. Commitment does […]
I read a passage from the Mother and it unleashed a vasana (or core issue) which I’m still in the midst of processing. Naturally I ran for the computer. The passage from the Mother was this: “You are already ‘in and out’ of the fulfillment of your ascension. “[What] is the final watermark? It is […]
(Concluded from Part 1, above.) The vasana is a gigantic GRRRRR! to all the opposition I met along the way – opposition to doing what I’m happily doing right now. Why can’t we be allowed to do what we love and be financially supported? (Just wait for the Reval!) But then I realized that, without […]
Download a copy of How to Process a Number One Upset here: https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/How-to-Process-a-Number-One-Upset-R13.pdf. Because there are unresolved, ongoing security risks, this vasana, most likely, will not subside the way others have. One side of me wants it to subside. The other side is asking me to stay awake to it because of the risks involved. […]
This morning I observed myself as I acted mechanically, below awareness, and aggressively. The situation was mundane. I’ve been allowing my waste paper pile to grow rather than shredding it as we go along. It’s reached sizable proportions and I’ve come to a shred-it-now-or-never point. I’m having a real but crazy argument with myself and […]
Since seeing the two-handed script of my Mom and Dad arguing, I’ve been watching my moods, my inner chatter. (1) I’m seeing that the impact on me of watching their heart-breaking conflict, day in and day out, or whenever I ventured out of my room, (2) was way beyond what I’ve seen so far. For […]
Seeing the script I have playing – and the discoveries that it’s leading to – is like an earthquake in my life. (1) And it’s led to numerous aftershocks. It’s opened the door for me to complete the cycle of domestic abuse that occurred in our household. It’s led to me see the identity I […]
Now that my parents’ two-handed card game of arrogance and depression is up to awareness, I’ve been observing how often it operates in me. The number of times I wince in a day is large and that wincing is me imitating my Mother’s reactions to my Dad. I hate the wincing. I feel like I’ve […]
As the chaos swirls outside, the chaos swirls inside as well. In this article I process a residual feeling state. Doing this, I hope, allows me to do a better job in post-Reval roles. And of course every one I can dissolve frees me and elevates my space, which is a contribution to Ascension. It’s […]
I’ve been walking around triggering myself for a while now. And if I walk the trigger back, I find that I’m disappointed in myself (Mother). I’m disappointed because I reacted to some forgotten thought with irritation, anger, aggressiveness, or some negative attitude (Father). I have my Father and Mother endlessly arguing in my head. The […]
(Concluded from Part 1, yesterday.) I had such a classic example of old programming going off this morning, exactly as I was working on this article. I have to relate it here. A friend phoned earlyish in the morning and asked me a favor which was at the limits of inconvenience. I said “no,” but […]
I’d like to make a distinction between objective fact and subjective interpretation. The worst I ever did was steal a chocolate bar. OK, a tin of rock candy too. For both of which I was caught and disciplined. That’s an objective fact. Apart from those cries for help (my father was hitting my mother), I […]
Most people define their careers in terms of what exists. And they fit into a possibly well-defined career description. My first career – history – had not been well defined the two subfields – cultural history and evolutionary history – that I chose to specialize in at the time (1968-73). But to go further I […]
