As the love energies increase on the planet, my relationship to anger is changing.
The background is that my Dad shouted at me from inches in front of my face at age 7. My personality shattered. That bent the twig and the tree inclined in the direction of dissociation – for another 50 years – and anger.
Dissociation meant I had no sense of myself. In the journey back, years later, I saw that I had a public and a private self and that they had never met. When they met, at age 40, I went off like a volcano for around two weeks. (1) Definitely toxic. Nobody to be around.
The fact that I was a house divided was not a pleasant experience and I sought ways out of it. Not like I knew exactly what “it” was for years and years.
Karate was one such way. I discovered that I was such a fearsome-looking fighter that no one in the dojo wanted to come near me.
I attracted violence on the street, in the subway, even in the classroom, so aggressive were my vibes.
In fact when a fight was pending, I preferred to cut to the chase and dispense with the words. Let’s get on with it.
I liked anger. It had distinct advantages over being defenseless in my household.
Now my Dad could never come within five feet of me or I’d make him regret it.
A big plus was that I fused back together again temporarily whenever I got angry. I felt powerful again, strong, my self, etc. So I’ve grown up all these years seeing anger as my friend and as the place I’m more than happy to end up in.
Well, now, as the Reval looms, and with it very large duties, anger becomes a liability. And the vasanas (or core issues) behind the anger are an even greater liability. (2) The whole thing becomes what I called the other day a “vulnerability,” “fatal flaw,” or “Achilles’ heel.” (3)
Our channeled sources tell us often that the rising love energies are going to raise to the surface all our vasanas. There’s nothing hid that shall not be known – before we ascend, I imagine.
The hid shall be made known to us, not to the readers of the New York Times. The rising energies are forcing our remaining issues to the surface, in my opinion. But Ascension is a private and individual process … errr, unless writing about it is part of your soul contract.
Especially since I realized the true context in which I’m operating – a co-creative partner with Archangel Michael, something we can all be – changes have been happening. None are more dramatic than the fact that, when I feel angry, I don’t like the way I feel any more.
I have thoughts like: Anger has brought most of the sorrow into my life. The rest has been brought in by hatred, jealousy, greed, and all the rest, but anger is the big one.
At the same time, I can’t now dissociate from my angry self. That’ll recreate the problem. I have to have it walk with me and talk with me. I have to get to know it, understand how it got to be angry, and love it out of its despondency.
I already know that anger has no place in the higher dimensions. It isn’t that it has no place because it’s taboo. It has no place because the love the flows there, like the air here, lifts us up to such a level that no harmful thoughts (1) can arise, (2) do arise, and (3) would ever arise.
So anger was my friend and still is. But now it’s mine to bring back into the fold and into the center. Mine to inform that the war is over. Mission accomplished. Come join the banquet with the rest of us.
Footnotes
(1) My then-girlfriend said to me on the fairgrounds of Expo 86, “Do you know you have the profile of an abused child?” And both my private and public selves came forward at the same time to say, “Yes!” It was as if they looked at each other and said, “Who are you?” I then knew I had split off from myself. It took eighteen more years for me to fuse back together again (at age 58).
Eleven more years and I had the heart opening. This completely revolutionized my life. I could say that my life really only started at age 69.
(2) VAH-sa-nas. A Vedantic term for the seeds of future action or karma. What we do today returns to us. I use it to mean the complex of conclusions and decisions arising from earlier traumatic incidents that influence – and sometimes determine – present-day behavior.
See Vasanas: Preparing For Ascension by Clearing Old Issues at https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Vasanas-Preparing-for-Ascension-R3.pdf
(3) “For Humanitarian Philanthropists: An Example of an Achilles’ Heel,” July 11, 2023, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2023/07/11/for-humanitarian-philanthropists-an-example-of-an-achilles-heel/.