I’d like to make a distinction between objective fact and subjective interpretation.
The worst I ever did was steal a chocolate bar. OK, a tin of rock candy too. For both of which I was caught and disciplined. That’s an objective fact.
Apart from those cries for help (my father was hitting my mother), I was usually found defending the law rather than breaking it.
Nonetheless my inner life was turmoil. Predicting my Dad’s moods, avoiding the back of his hand, staying away from him, etc. This was due in part to objective fact, but in great measure to my subjective interpretation.
I lived for most of my life with the objective fact being that I was a good boy, relatively speaking (mother’s contribution), and the subjective interpretation being that my inner life was hell (father’s contribution).
In this sense, you could say that I created a split personality and was totally out of balance with my male/female sides.
Looking back, I can see how some very bad people seem like law-abiding citizens to their neighbors, until the hidden side of them erupts. No one knew of the volcano inside of me. Except those closest to me. (1)
Anger raged over felt abandonment from the crib onwards, betrayal, family violence, on and on. I’ll look at the results at more length in Part 2.
I’ve processed most of that and it’s been an interesting climb. We say that “ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny.” (2) Well, my inner climb back from chaos and mayhem, most of it self-created, seemed to recapitulate human history from the caveman forward. I’m not out of the bog yet.
What I don’t make disappear will be erased by Ascension, the same for all of us. But what an interesting journey.
It’s as if I’ve been all places in the space of a single lifetime, from anger to love.
Who am I to point a finger at anyone else? To throw the first stone?
Let me demonstrate the true situation with an experiment. Take judgmentalness and love. Breathe into both.
With judgmentalness I feel constriction, a tightness in my stomach. When I release that tightness, nothing remains. Judgmentalness disappears.
With love, I feel uplifted, nourished, satisfied. When I breathe into it, it remains. In fact it expands. It subsides but it never disappears.
Even a simple experiment like this can show us that the higher vibrations are lasting; the lower vibrations are not. It isn’t a great leap from there to surmise that the higher is more truthful and the lower more illusory.
Resenting is familiar to me; love is not. Love is relatively new in my life whereas the old ruts of judging and resenting – drinking the poison, hoping they’ll die – are all well known.
Knowing Ascension will free me is grounds for my patience. Helping the process along by any means possible simply makes life more enjoyable.
Tomorrow I’d like to look at the old programming I replay as a part of this scenario.
(1) I was very touched my Whistling Yogi’s account of his father-in-law, Leo. His story had similar features to my own.
(2) The foetus seems to pass through the same stages in its development as the species seems to have in its evolution. Factor in that straightforward or linear evolution leaves out the role of archangels and the Divine, who can create newly and in other ways affect evolution.