The way things seem to go, it’s often only after a condition has departed that we learn what it was and what it did. For example, hostility having been recognized and left, I’m now beginning to see some things about it. Hostility has many poses. One of them, I’m now seeing, is “Don’t mess with […]
And Then, Another Bridge
I’m finding there comes a time when a bridge is crossed. It’s one of many bridges, one of them being Ascension itself. (1) And, like so much else, for the experience to flower, I have to consciously recognize what’s happening. I have to move from unconscious awareness of the thing in question to conscious awareness. […]
The Worst Possible Virus: The Inner Hitler
When tension increases, awareness decreases. The converse should also be true: When tension decreases, (1) awareness should increase. And so, in the midst of chaos, my awareness appears to be increasing. Having dropped Constant Comment, weathered the eruption of Humiliation that followed, (pant, pant) I notice that I have reached a place of … well, […]
The Work Feelings like Humiliation Do
It seems that sometimes our experiences are more clearly understood with the passage of time. The clearing of my “humiliation thread” or vasana (core issue) was super-painful. But more about it is becoming available several days later. I now find that even the smallest infraction of the rules brings with it an experience of humiliation. […]
Thomas Hubl: 10-Day Collective Trauma Summit, September 22nd
10-Day Collective Trauma Summit Starts September 22 Registration is now open for the second annual Collective Trauma Summit, organized by Thomas Hübl. Last year this summit attracted over 50,000 participants and featured more than 30 talks with trauma experts, activists, and cultural visionaries. This year’s Summit is a 10-day event (September 22 – October 1) […]
Matthew on Introspection
I’d like to draw attention to what Matthew Ward said recently: “Intensifying light during the aforementioned period offers an ideal opportunity to set positive intentions for personal growth. Go into your heart space—as God said, ‘The heart is the seat of the soul’—and if introspection shows residue of anxiety, self-doubt, judgments or discouragement, letting go […]
A Lifetime’s Humiliation Coming Up
I’d like to illustrate here the application of the upset clearing process to a really-tough vasana (or core issue). (1) I’m going to raise to awareness a feeling that’s difficult to experience. It’s so strong that it’s been roasting me alive for three days now. Constant Comment may be gone but my vasanas live! A […]
Cleaning Up the Residue: The “Work” in “Growth Work”
Seeing a vasana (or core issue) disappear for a time is not the end of the road. Vasanas can reappear and re-establish themselves if we fall back into living life by following what have become habitual behavior patterns. Habitual behavior patterns are one form of residue, precipitate, the fallout from our vasanas. They linger even […]
When the Reval Hits….
It’s said that no plan survives the first ten minutes of war. When the Reval hits, I predict that there’ll be a war going on within ourselves that many of our plans will not survive. We’ll now find ourselves in the territory called “I don’t have to stand for that any more.” Entitlement may run […]
Out of Jail at Last
I continue to observe the changes within me. Concurrent with feeling happiness for virtually the first time in my life – within memory – the other day, I also notice that I’m wandering around without something. I was repositioning a picture and, having accomplished something, I found myself waiting for the spoilers to come along […]
A Time of Purification?
Triggers just seem to keep going off. I have to be supervigilant not to launch into extreme thoughts and behavior. And not to then swing out onto the other extreme and super-protect myself from them, until the guardian again becomes the guard. (1) How to stay in the middle and yet be strong, resolute, determined? […]
Sitting on My Inner Child
I was going through wave after wave of anger, experiencing it through to completion now that the vasana of father hatred was at last up. I resolved to be angry for as long as it took for the light to go on. And the light went on when I asked myself: What is the cost […]
Vesuvius is Quiet
Vesuvius is quietening down. Let me do a post-mortem. Father hatred leaves me flat, unresponsive, shallow in my compassion. Hindus call that state of mind thamasic, lethargic. In my everyday awareness, I can feel it only subtly, as a slightly negative attitude towards everything – not skeptical but pessimistic. Disbelief, despair, depression. As I said […]
Whose Shepherd I am
So far the vasana with my Dad has manifested, as it did in 1986, as unbridled anger. But I seem to have left the anger phase now, and, even as the last fumes of father hatred dissipate, I’m beset by feelings of fear. This is a crystal-clear demonstration that anger sits on top of fear. […]
Emerging from the Shell
I had no success accessing this vasana. (1) It’s the same root vasana of father hatred that I’ve been dealing with since I was a young child. It shows how tenacious a vasana can be. I finally invoked universal law and asked Archangel Michael and the Divine Mother to take the whole of it away, […]
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