When tension increases, awareness decreases.
The converse should also be true: When tension decreases, (1) awareness should increase.
And so, in the midst of chaos, my awareness appears to be increasing. Having dropped Constant Comment, weathered the eruption of Humiliation that followed, (pant, pant) I notice that I have reached a place of … well, more clarity than I’ve known so far.
I see brush and obstacles still in the way of emergence, which is my goal. (2) I’ll know when I arrive at my destination. It’ll be unmistakeable; the higher dimensions are.
Today I “caught” a voice go off inside me that had more relationship to Adolf Hitler than it had to … name a saint.
It was my Dad’s voice. I just heard a snippet of it. But I’m familiar with the history of the Second World War and the sound of Adolf Hitler’s voice superimposed itself on the other.
It was like a two-track comparison of their speaking. They had the same range, the same force, the same insistence.
I saw the whole dictatorial routine, number, or act in a flash of recognition. When I speak of intellectual, emotional, and realized knowledge, this was realized knowledge.
Oh my Gawd, that’s who I am at times.
OK, OK, not all that much. Not trying to exaggerate. But I have lost it at times.
Time to switch hats to the ethnographer.
If I don’t experience the feelings arising from it, I’ll perpetuate the act. If I want the act to disappear, I have to allow myself to experience what follows. (3)
The recognition caused re-examination. And reparenting.
I know where this act leads. Everyone on Earth should know where this act leads, unless memories have grown short. I’ll issue a reminder: To total destruction.
To cities laid waste, to millions massacred, to nations destitute, subject to foreign rule. To the use of ever-larger and finally nuclear weapons. Those who lived by the sword died by the sword.
Oh my Gawd, I have the dictator within myself. This is the worst possible virus.
I say that my awareness has deepened because I heard just a snippet internally and immediately recognized the act.
Have I been studying the Second World War just to prepare myself for the recognition of the inner Hitler? I’m willing to bet “yes.”
Each time I flash on that voice and see the picture of my Dad yelling at me, forcing me to obey, I feel revulsion.
But who cares where it came from? He got it from his Dad. And so on. What difference does it make?
The point is I made a video of it, stored it away, watch it endlessly when the vasana erupts, and now play out that role myself – as the only way I know.
Like so many actors, I’ve become a role I detest. How and when did that happen?
Ok, so this is the next stop on this journey, to experience to completion the inner Hitler. (4) And then up will come the next thing. And the next.
Tension should decrease and awareness increase if I (quietly) process this vasana. And the next…. This is my plan for my gradual Ascension.
I assert that every brush cleared, every obstacle overcome restores me more closely to my Natural Self. (5)
(1) Heaven forbid in our world that it should do so lest I be accused of being other-worldly!
(2) Such as the Mother describes here:
“[The gunas, the Trimurthy] is formless, and yet it is form. It is a way of connection, and it is a way of understanding and entering into a higher vibration of being. So it helps the emergence into my energy.
SB: Sort of like stair steps?
DM: That is correct. (“The Divine Mother: Come to Me as I Come to You – Part ½,” Oct. 17, 2012, at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2012/10/17/the-divine-mother-come-to-me-as-i-come-to-you-part-12/.) [My emphasis]
I’m seeking to emerge in exactly the sense she’s pointing at there. And I assert it happens in stair steps. Constant Comment, Humiliation, and now the inner Hitler depart, revealing more of my Natural Self, are all steps.
I also assert that this is an effect of the rising energies and hence a trace and indicator of our gradual Ascension.
See also “Emerge from the Shell,” February 9, 2020, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/?p=306371.
(3) Matthew Ward put the matter nicely in his latest message:
“Intensifying light during the aforementioned period offers an ideal opportunity to set positive intentions for personal growth. Go into your heart space—as God said, “The heart is the seat of the soul”—and if introspection shows residue of anxiety, self-doubt, judgments or discouragement, letting go of it by breathing calmly, deeply, will give you peace in body, mind and spirit. Please do that for yourselves, dear family, so you can be free of stress and stay in balance.”
(4) Doing so is like letting air out of the balloon of ego whereas getting heated and having self-righteous disagreements only breathes more air into the balloon. I keep trying to offer different metaphors. Here’s another. Going into extreme behavior energizes a vasana (or core issue); calmly experiencing the rejected emotions like humiliation and the inner Hitler robs the vasana of energy.
Gradually we get to emerge from being a vasana-driven stimulus/response machine to being a normal and natural, pure and innocent human being.
(5) Sahaja = Natural; Sahaja Samadhi = Ascension = moksha, mukti, liberation from the birth and death of the Third Dimension. Sahaja samadhi restores us to our Natural Self.