I was going through wave after wave of anger, experiencing it through to completion now that the vasana of father hatred was at last up.
I resolved to be angry for as long as it took for the light to go on.
And the light went on when I asked myself: What is the cost of it?
I saw in my inner vision a boulder sitting on my inner child and keeping it down.
It was like a Sumo wrestler sitting on me. I kept myself down with father hatred.
The guardian had turned into a guard.
When I saw that, I burst into tears. And I cried. I was doing it to myself.
Then I no longer wanted the hatred and became Superman, in creative thought, invoking the universal law and throwing the boulder back to the Mother. I was unequivocal this time.
For the first time since we started, I feel that hostile, guarded “edge” has gone. I’ve always guided myself on whether that edge is still there. This absence is relief, release.
The truth will set you free and I feel release. Release suggests I got part of it or all of it. We shall see.
If I’m finished with this one, and I never take it for granted, but if I were, I’d be released from bondage to anger and hostility. That would be a great blessing. I’d be very grateful.
It’d allow me to go forward … and inward.
I wonder if I’ve learned enough from this one to let it go and open to the next lesson?
I think I have.