I wrote an article the other day and was very pleased with myself. I found myself saying, “Yay, Steve,” and then I mysteriously broke down in tears. I realized at that moment that I’d been starved of validation from my Father as a young child and instead fed a diet of invalidation. The classic criticism […]
There is No Original Sin; Only Original Innocence
What is it that has people crave to feel important? Or special? Michael once said that we’d feel elevated after the Reval. He hoped we’d take the elevator to the basement. I see it in myself. When I look at myself, I see a child who was made to feel of little worth and much […]
Reclaiming My Authority
Most people would encounter the lessons I’m learning over a gradual period of growing up. The process would be called “maturing.” But, because of dissociation at an early age due to domestic violence, I “matured” only slowly and incompletely. Like many others, I built a constructed self around my disabilities. Scrapper, activist, etc. The only […]
Reconstructing the Deconstructed Self
Eric Berne’s ego states are particularly helpful in looking at the operation I’m doing on myself. What Berne meant by “ego state,” I think, would be the same as what we mean by “states of consciousness.” “Ego’” here just means “I.” If I can adapt his terms, I grew up with a bad-parent ego state […]
John Enright: If You’re Doing It, You’re Digging It
I turned to enlightened Gestalt therapist John Enright to help me figure out how being right works. However I felt that some of the distinctions he made are so enjoyable and provocative that I decided to share them raw. John made it his his intention to find out what made Fritz Perls such a successful […]
From Sad … and Mad … to Glad
As I reparent myself and make my transition from sad … and mad … to glad, my sensitivity to my feelings increases. I become more aware of feelings that would have just been my “normal” back then. I was one compacted, compounded person. At the same time, I’ve been looking through the scrapbook Dad prepared […]
In Quiet and Stillness
This transition that I’m going through continues. It’s like a snowball – decades of slow work on vasanas and now gathering speed. I spent nearly six decades healing dissociation. Now I’m using a dissociative fantasy to provide leadership to myself, to assume command over myself. I’m imagining that “I” am an older brother (Big Steve) […]
I’m My Own Man
I can see that I’m on a journey of recovery, as are so many of us. The lessons of the journey seem to be cumulative. The experience of gentleness recently opened a new door of experience for me but it was also the latest in many lessons over time that were showing me the tremendous […]
Transcending the Invalidation Monster
I felt wretched today – all my friends are away at the moment. I felt lonely, sad, forlorn. Then I wrote a stimulating article and found myself at the end of it saying “Yes!” I immediately saw that what was present in the situation as it existed at the moment was unconscious invalidation (Happy? “Not […]
The Deconstruction of the Constructed Self
Even taking Mondays and Tuesdays off, the number of stories there are to get out make me want to use those two days to post. The two – days off and posting articles – now seem unrelated and not mutually exclusive. So I’ll resume reporting on Mondays and Tuesdays. We’re in a process of having […]
Doing What’s Needed
With the announcement of the delegations and the closeness of the arrival of our star family (see here), the value goes up of continuing to process all unfinished business. All obstacles to the revealing of the always-already pure and innocent natural Self would best be removed. Our star family is already in a higher-dimensional consciousness; […]
Blending Self-Improvement with Zen
To me, spirituality is more than a fad or a way to appear wiser than I really am. I use it as inspiration to improve myself. Some teachers say that trying to change yourself at all is misguided and pointless. They believe that spirituality – Zen in particular – is about accepting who you are […]
Adult Tasked with Regulating How I Feel
I haven’t been in an encounter group in decades. But the work I’m doing with myself to transition from sad to glad requires me to “work out” with myself now, rather than wait for occasions to work out with others. Journalling is a part of working out. This is both an Ascension journal (psychological) and […]
The Trauma of Toxic Masculinity
The Trauma of Toxic Masculinity Jared Yates Sexton, Yes! Magazine, April 19, 2019. httpss://tinyurl.com/y4rjy7nw What really lies beneath the anger and aggression of traditional White masculinity? During the two years I reported from the 2016 campaign trail, I watched stump speeches in cramped union halls and polished addresses to thousands, survived the major conventions, dodged flash […]
Writing History Forward – Part 2/2
(Concluded from Part 1, yesterday.) What’s being asked of us lightworkers is persistence, determination, valor. We’re asked to stay at our posts till the end. That calls on us to expand our estimates in all directions. The Company of Heaven has to watch what they say that they don’t let the air out of the […]
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