Mike Quinsey is having computer problems and will not have a message to post this week.
Tonight, I’m going through one space after another, dealing with the issue of finances.
Greta Thunberg is in town and I could not rouse myself from my mood to go hear her.
Grief at the thought that this phase of things may be ending is coming up. Once I recognize a layer of emotion, feel it, and let it go, up comes another.
When I ask for the original incident, I see break-ups with various girlfriends. I see the death of my Mother. I allow myself to experience the grief.
Under that is tremendous fatigue. Ten years of appeals is for me a tour of duty.
I’ve been as clear as I can with everyone. This is the time to register your vote. If we cannot achieve a sustainable level of ongoing financial commitment by Oct. 1, I’ll regard that as your verdict and will not re-open the matter again.
I’ll be activating Plan B, which is to ask Michael to find another way. I have a reading scheduled with him in the very near future.
If nothing can be arranged there, it’s back to the job market. Some people will hear that as a complaint. Not at all. It just means that there won’t be very much writing.
By the way, in answer to your kind email, no, the site will not charge for access to any materials here – neither an admission fee for the site itself nor a price for the books, articles, and databases. The material here must remain freely accessible.
Sadness comes up. Self-doubt. Recrimination. I’m a cauldron of negativity and toxicity, all of it arising to be recycled by the Law of Elimination. (Processing the vasana or core issue this way is the alternative to projecting it onto others.)
I’m not fooled or frightened by these conflicting emotions. It feels like I’ve been processing them – simple and layered – since forever.
It’s just not what you’d want to be doing of a Friday evening.
I feel an identity eroding. Good. Let it erode.
Anything that erodes is not eternal. I’m interested in the eternal. Therefore, who am I without this identity?