As the chaos swirls outside, the chaos swirls inside as well.
In this article I process a residual feeling state. Doing this, I hope, allows me to do a better job in post-Reval roles.
And of course every one I can dissolve frees me and elevates my space, which is a contribution to Ascension.
It’s interesting how the process of growth work goes.
The return of confidence in my life after an absence of decades revealed that, prior to its coming, I’d been conducting my worldly affairs by resorting to bravado.
I didn’t see that until I was out of bravado.
But I knew something was wrong because I didn’t like the way I was feeling.
Now here again, I have something going on with me that doesn’t feel good. However this time I intend to not wait for a fortuitous event but to process it, push my edge.
I can’t put a word to the feeling. If I were to act it out, I’d be folding over and withdrawing.
OK, it’s guilt and shame.
So this time I’m not proceeding by recognizing a wisp of confidence and surfing it. I’m not invoking the law and asking for relief.
I’m using the upset clearing process on this one. (1) That will clear it, but not necessarily identify it and connect the dots between it and my behavior patterns. So it’s a partial, not a complete, win.
I allow myself to feel the guilt. It expands and fills me. I’m right back at age six. I feel betrayed by my Father. I expected love and all I got was reprimands and the back of his hand.
I feel resistant. At the same time my resistance just brings me more reprimands so I feel myself in a Catch-22: Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.
I experience myself going back and forth between resistance and avoiding reprimands. I cut a fine line by mastering being right and avoiding being wrong after I discover that I don’t get the back of Dad’s hand if I’m right.
Somehow, whether it was his time in the merchant marine or whatever, he learned to leave people alone who were “right.”
You could probably get reprimanded in the service if you were wrong and were saved if you could prove you were right. And Dad was fresh back from the service.
So I became super-fastidious about being accurate as a defense measure.
Now I feel weighed down by the act and role. It feels like a clamp around my head. I feel confined, dense, heavy.
And I’m so tired of feeling guilty when there’s no apparent reason for it. It’s just a deep groove, a rut.
This is ideal territory for another re-awakening, what the Mother and Michael call an “ignition” or “snap.” (2) The arrival of the divine state of confidence eradicated my feelings of instability and ungroundedness. What might address my residual feelings of guilt and shame?
Let’s see by what means this feeling state lifts.
(1) See “How to Handle Unwanted Feelings: The Upset Clearing Process,” December 29, 2018, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2018/12/29/how-to-handle-unwanted-feelings-the-upset-clearing-process-2/.
(2) The Mother is talking here about Ascension but there are lesser ignitions as well. The process she describes is accurate for a lesser ignition.
Divine Mother: It is that feeling — well, it is more than a feeling; it is knowing; it is ignition — it is that feeling that you have been switched on to a different frequency, and it happens suddenly. You may be working at it, working at it, working at it, and then you wake up one morning, and you see, perceive, feel, know different. (“The Divine Mother: We are Creating a New Species of Humans (Repost),” September 15, 2017, at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2017/09/15/the-divine-mother-we-are-creating-a-new-species-of-humans-repost-2/.)
Steve: Now, you did say about two years ago that ascension would be a snap.
Archangel Michael: Yes. It is a snap and a moment in time when someone truly gets to that point in the car wash where they are clean and bright and shiny.
AAM: But it is a process also, going through. (Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Archangel Michael, May 9, 2014.) [Hereafter AAM.]
That is, Ascension is both gradual at times and sudden at times.
Archangel Michael: Everyone is at different stages. And for some the snap will be far more significant than for others: that is why there is a period of adjustment. …
So, for some, they have already ascended. … And there are already many flying in and out, and that they don’t require a snap.
Some will require the ‘Full-Snap.’ (AAM, Nov. 21, 2014.)