I’m watching myself and have to share some noticeings. Sharing them is the final step in processing.
I can be as self-serving as I like when I’m processing internally. But when I share, it isn’t as easy. The share is out there. It’s public.
So I want to call myself on something.
I need a little ceremony to do it. Drum roll please.
I have an incredibly-persistent vein of arrogance. Michael keeps telling me not to think hierarchical. I DO think hierarchical. And the further “up” the hierarchy, the more superior, or so my arrogance would have me believe.
Yes, I do think in terms of superiors and subordinates. Not at a conscious level. But I feel the ancient warrior in me who very much does.
And it’s interesting because I notice movement in this. The feeling is building. I’m feeling more and more arrogant, as if something is coming up to be disgorged. I’m going to throw up arrogance, re-experiencing it as it goes out.
I experience it to see if there is any residue that will flare up later. If so, I experience that too and let it go.
Whether a scientist would agree with me or not, I see awareness, consciousness, experience as dissolutive (apparently I invented the word). As Katheen says, “feel to heal.” What we feel heals.
The alternative is to resist. As Werner Erhard noted, what we resist persists. I hypothesize that vasanas draw to themselves, by the law of attraction, the very thing they resist.
So now it’s my turn to experience and feel, heal and let go of arrogance. Yes, I can hear tinges of it in the way I speak – even internally!!!! (Because I know how I speak.)
At some point I’ll be working with our star family. They also know how I speak and what I say. As Archangel Michael reminds us:
“[Higher-dimensional galactic beings] know your intention because there is telepathic communication … and they know your heart. … They will require that the communication be truly not only heart-based but genuine. So it takes away much of the ‘window dressing,’ does it not?” (2)
Yes, it does. People trained in straightforward-communication like parents, teachers, doctors, nurses, etc. may have an edge here! Hermits better stick to writing!
So: I declare my arrogance. Get it out on the table. Once up to awareness, it’s welcomed back into the family. Until then, it’s shunted out of sight, kept hidden in its room.
Reframing? The young boy who held onto a sense of himself throughout his Dad’s seemingly-incessant barrage of criticism has made it through – intact.
Congratulations, lad. You did it. I’m sure you feel pretty pleased with yourself.
Yes, I do.
(1) Our family maintained that we had to keep the family secrets. And what were those secrets? That Mom and Dad were always yelling. That Dad hit Mom and even came at us with a knife once.
Since this is a vasana (or core issue), it should result in a conclusion and a decision, shutting me down in some area of life or sending me in some new direction. Here’s the conclusion I reached: I am not a secret sharer. I abhor secrets. Here’s the decision: I will not keep secrets unless duty demands it.
This is how vasanas operate to govern our future behavior.
(2) Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, Dec. 11, 2013.