One more kick at the can?

I was sharing in Kathleen’s meditation group the other night that I’ve been “processing” (read: beating up on) my Dad for the past ten years and I still feel resentful and vengeful.

Every History or Sociology class I taught reified into my Father. Every villain I ever fought became my Father. I’ve grown up fighting my Father over and over again. And I’m still battling him.

I think that reflects two things. One, the incidents that spawned the hatred happened very young – in the crib. Because I had excema, I was tied to the sides of the crib, wheeled into the kitchen, and left there to cry my eyes out.  I probably hated my Dad from that moment on (undoubtedly he did the tying and wheeling, being “the man of the family”).

I thought of it all as heartless and cruel. I felt abandoned to the ghosts flying around the room (headlights on the wall).

The events happening that young means my reaction patterns born from them are so ingrained as to be all but invisible to me. They’re just “me” and go on outside of ordinary awareness.

So I see nothing that needs to be addressed in my gruffness or standoffishness. I’m clean in my own write. Totally unaware of there being anything objectionable or even noteworthy about me hating my Dad.

But there’s also reason number two:  I get a reward from it. I get biscuits. And I don’t want to let go of that reward.

For one, I get to be a victim. And I get rewards from that. For a second, I get to feel satisfied. I got back at my Dad. I got even with him.

Now we’re even, Dad, the one-year-old in me – who’s driving the car – says.

That’s how deep vasanas (our core issues, old baggage, or gunnysacked resentments) go. (1)

***

On the one hand, our vasanas run deep.

And on the other, our vasanas do not run deep.  Is it a paradox?

No, it all depends on the degree of magnification. Viewed from inside the domain of experience in which vasanas exist, up close and personal, the vasanas appear to run deep.

But when I went on a meditative journey at Xenia Retreat Center in 2018, it allowed me to see the wider view.  From this vantage point, I saw that the layer of the vasanas was actually very slim in the overall picture. (2)

I went down in an imaginary elevator 100 floors. I’d say the layer of the vasanas, as I saw them looking back and up, was no more than five floors of the overall descent. It was soon passed on the meditative journey downwards.

So the domain of the vasanas seems deep as long as we’re operating from within it. But the domain beyond it is endless and nowhere are the vasanas to be found in it. (3) Viewed from a higher-dimensional vantage point, the vasana layer appears very small. It’s distinctly a human drama.

On the higher planes, we may still disagree with each other but help is said to be soon available to settle any disputes that may arise. It would nowhere reach the intensity of one our volcanic eruptions from vasanas (angry outbursts).

If we knew the love that our star family enjoys, we’d instantly see how it could be that a society could remain in harmony. All we’ve known is divide-and-conquer. All they know is love and the other divine qualities. What’s to disagree with?

***

Sri Ramana’s student Sadhu Arunachala observed:

“It is our Vasanas that prevent us from always being in our natural state [Sahaja Samadhi, Ascension], and Vasanas were not got rid of all of a sudden by a flash of Cosmic Consciousness [6th or 7th chakra enlightenment]. One may have worked them out in a previous existence leaving a little to be done in the present life, but in any case they must first be destroyed [before Sahaja Samadhi or Ascension].” (4)

As Sadhu Arunachala points out, our vasanas are not eliminated by the highest enlightenment experiences of Third Dimensionality – cosmic consciousness (6th chakra) or God-Realization, Brahmajnana (7th chakra). (5)

Ascension, Sahaja Samadhi, a full and permanent heart opening, releases a flood of transformative love of a power and intensity that instantly dissolves the vasanas. Once ascended and immersed in this love, we say goodbye to issues.

Metaphorically speaking, the seeds of future action (the vasanas) are burned to a crisp in the furnace fire of higher-dimensional love.  Michael describes that last moment in which we choose love:

Archangel Michael: In that moment [of Ascension], what we are calling a moment, there is a choice. Do you want — and it can happen instantaneously, because so many of you have laid the foundation — do you want to be in the heart of One of love? Do you wish to be in the higher frequency?

In the very last second, all they need to say is yes, and allow themselves to be flooded by what you can think of as a tidal wave of energy that will sweep the planet. That is why we say all are invited. (6)

We just have to say yes and be able to tolerate the higher-level energies.

OK, OK, so I got it. It’s time to stop battling my Father. I promise.

At last report he was ecstatic at finding himself where he did (probably the Summerlands) and promptly went off exploring rather than recuperating.

I thank him and bless him. If he hadn’t served as the coiled spring in my mechanism, I wouldn’t find myself … here! (7)

Footnotes

(1) As an aside, Kathleen mentioned that our vasanas could go back to past lives and that distinctly rang a bell. I’m looking into that one.

(2) See An Ascension Ethnography at https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/An-Ascension-Ethnography-5.pdf, pp. 446-61.

(3) Which may be another reason why higher dimensionals appear godlike to us.

You’ll have to forgive me. I’m still integrating my own experiences. I just realized and remembered that I’ve lived outside the vasanas. Whenever I’ve been in the experience of higher-dimensional love, bliss, or ecstasy, the vasanas have been absent. I’d forgotten about that.

(4) Sadhu Arunachala [A.W. Chadwick], A Sadhu’s Reminiscences of Ramana Maharshi. Tiruvannamalai: Sri Ramanasramam, 1961, 45.

In our case, we’ve reached the end of an age and Ascension for the entire planet is planned. We do not have to exert ourselves to the extent that earlier generations did. Our end-of-age Ascension is inclusive rather than exclusive: “all are invited.”

(5) That may explain why so many supposedly-fully-enlightened teachers in the Sixties and Seventies were so far off the mark in their own behavior.  They still had their vasanas, but believed they’d eliminated them.

(6) Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, August 1, 2011 at http://stevebeckow.com/2011/08/reading-with-archangel-michael-august-2-2011-part-1/

(7) And writing about vasanas!!!