Over and over I return to the sense I have that our responses to our feelings are the major drivers in our lives.
I watch myself move from one feeling to another – from happiness to irritation, from concern to relaxation – and what I notice about myself is my extreme reaction in the face of any one particular feeling.
If I’m irritated, I’m super-irritated. If I’m happy, I’m super-happy. I’m not at all balanced in my responses to feelings that arise.
These responses to my internal states are what others see. They determine the particular mask I might choose to wear with people. I’m either denying or embracing my exaggerated responses.
They determine my lines, costumes, gestures, etc. Collectively they contribute a great deal to what others perceive of as “my personality.”
I’m like a stimulus/response machine reacting excessively to my feelings. Do I want to continue this way?
No, I don’t. I’d like to break the stimulus/response pattern by inserting a moment of reflection between them: Stimulus/reflection/response.
By interposing the observer into the stimulus/response equation, I hope to break the momentum, apply the brakes, and limit the extreme, unbalanced response to any one feeling. Well, that’s my hope, my intention.
Meanwhile, I’m simply treating the symptom. What’s the root cause of the matter?
I look and see that it’s simply a case of intergenerational transfer. I copied one of my Dad’s patterns.
So no more stimulus/response to errant feelings. I’m not my feelings. I’m not run by my emotions, no matter how productive it is to know and experience them.
Responding to them unthinkingly hasn’t proven productive for me. I repent. I “go another way.”
I invoke Sanat Kumara and the Law of Elimination to take this unwanted habit pattern from me.