I can see that I’m on a journey of recovery, as are so many of us. The lessons of the journey seem to be cumulative.
The experience of gentleness recently opened a new door of experience for me but it was also the latest in many lessons over time that were showing me the tremendous influence my Father had on me, such that I adopted many of his aggressive, rageful responses to life, never knowing I had.
I’m pretty sure the way he was was conditioned by the way his Father was and so on down the generational line.
Having seen the second alternative to his lifestyle – gentleness, second to the experience of love in March 2015 – I can now see that there’s another way of being than the way of the Beckow males.
Now a time of rechoosing arrives.
Do I choose to continue valuing gruffness (1) and suspiciousness. (2)
Or do I choose love and gentleness?
Both love and gentleness are universal in the sense that they flow or greet everyone, without favorites.
No contest. Once I know contextual (or higher-level) spaces like transformative love and gentleness, why would I continue to choose spaces that never left me feeling inspired, empowered, and ennobled?
One of the reasons I continued along those lines was that I’d never known, never experienced an alternative.
Now that I have, the choice is clear.
What remains is I now have to school myself, reparent myself in the ways and means of happiness. The Humpty Dumpty Man has gathered himself up again and is now rebuilding his personality in ways that, I hope, actually work.
Archangel Michael once said to me:
“If you are not attending to yourself, the stress that is occurring bleeds into your work, bleeds into our work. I desire, I ask, I plead, I want you writing from a place of joy.” (3)
Writing from a place of joy. First I have to be in a place of joy.
I can do this. I can reparent myself from sad to glad. What a challenge!
(1) No one tells me what to do.
(2) You can’t trust anyone.
(3) Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, Aug. 3, 2015.