It must be five hours after I went above the line between unconscious and conscious awareness at Starbucks. Today is Wednesday.
I had to stagger home, I was so drunk with consciousness. I rode my bike down the least traveled routes and even then I felt I had to ask the archangels and everyone else who wasn’t busy elsewhere to protect me as I wobbled on my bike the rest of the way.
When I got home, the only thing I could do was lie down and I’ve been there ever since. It isn’t quite vertigo but there is a dizziness to being on my feet in the midst of this particular stay in the transformed space.
One of the things I did as I lay there was I asked the celestials to take away my memory, erase it totally, and then return only those elements of it that would be of use in the Mother’s service. I wanted there to be a totally clean start, from this moment on. I don’t want to carry my past around any more.
I’m not sure what came of it. I remain in the present moment and haven’t used my memory for as long as I recall today to see if it still works. I rather think it isn’t my memory that needs to be laundered; it’s my attachment to my memories.
Nonetheless, I’m in a perpetual state of equanimity right now. That allows me to stay in the center and in balance.
Nothing shows up for me as more valuable than conscious awareness, except perhaps transformative love. I love awareness, the deeper and more extensive the better. Every meaningful spiritual experience I’ve had has been around or through awareness. My experiences come in consciousness rather than in sights or sounds.
I’m just being with the experience of deep awareness now. Even making myself something to eat feels like too much effort (but I will). I just want to be, to hang out with myself, my first, true love and the one who never leaves me.
* * *
Now eight hours later and my space is beginning to mellow. What’s left is an incredible feeling of stability or solidity. And this space is bereft of any form of judgment, blame or shame, resist, resent, or revenge. If this degree of the experience remains with me, I’ll be content.
Some time ago, Archangel Michael said to Kathleen:
AAM: What [Steve] is doing is acting as a catalyst for change. [And] that … necessitates and implies, it contains within it, the necessity for him to also be pretty much in a constant process of change, of growth, of opening, of shifting. (1)
I do get that. My life is constant change, constant movement hopefully forward, constant shifting and opening.I also know that my character is very mixed: there’s a part of me that is still and silent (Hindus would call this sattwa) and a part of me that’s very, very active (Hindus would call this rajasic). Hindus would know this state as sattwo-rajasic.
Moreover a focus on the inner work at this moment in time is not out of step, Archangel Michael reassured me recently:
“I beg of you, do not assume that when you write of what you are calling ‘the inner work,’ that this does not have profound effect because the focus of the leadership movement, right now, is on the inner work.” (2)
OK. Then full speed ahead.
* * *
Eleven hours later and the experience is still holding. I just read AAM’s message through Ronna Herman and so much of it is relevant to my experience. For instance:
“As you tap into the higher frequencies of Divine Wisdom, brilliant ideas will pour forth from the higher planes of intuition.
“You may experience exhilaration one moment and depression the next as you gradually achieve a blissful state of awareness, only to lose it again. However, the times of depression will grow less intense and also less frequent.” (3)
That pretty well describes what’s happening.
Archangel Michael described the set of experiences that involves emerging into conscious awareness in a reading I had with him on June 7. I asked him what had just happened and he replied:
AAM: That was the experience of true expansion of interdimensionality, of coming to touch, embrace and begin to explore the breadth of your soul design.
Steve: I see. Now those experiences are intended to be just visits, with me, is that correct?
AAM: They will anchor deeper and deeper until it is simply a state of being. (4)
This too is about what appears to be happening. We’ll see if this experience holds, tomorrow.
* * *
It’s the next day, Thursday, the day after my most recent sojourn in conscious awareness, the transformed space, our natural state
At 6:30 a.m, the bliss and love, and the sense of solidity, were still here. Now instead of bliss rising, it’s with me as a baseline quality, in an unbroken manner.
* * *
I had breakfast with a friend and in the middle of it … boom! … I emerged into the transformed space again.
And I saw that it depended solely on letting go of our attachments, having no preferences, no leanings, just as Sosan said.
“The Great Way is effortless
For those who live in choiceless awareness,
To choose without preference
Is to be clear.
“Even the slightest personal preference
and your whole world becomes divided.
To perceive reality as it is is to live with an open mind.” (5)
Being in this space doesn’t depend on doing something, unless you consider the act of letting go to be doing something.
Everything said by sages who speak about sadhana or spiritual practice is aimed at having us let go of our attachments to the things of the material world and realize a certain space. Not intellectually know it. Not experientially know it. But realize it.
Let me call it “conscious awareness,” provided you understand that “conscious awareness” is a constantly-deepening space. It goes on and on, deeper and deeper, higher and higher, forever. In my way of seeing things, non-attachment is like a lack of fuel. The vehicle comes to rest. In our case, the resting place is the center.
Some sages discuss equanimity, which is simply the state of having no attachments.
Others discuss balance, groundedness, the centerpoint, which is the place we move to or remain in when we have no attachments.
Others talk about the heart, the soul, the love, the bliss, which is the same as the centerpoint, the balance point. We gravitate and remain there when we have no attachments.
In the early stages of enlightenment, the centerpoint is the heart, the soul, the spirit. It’s called the Son, the Christ, and the Atman in the religions, the pearl of great price, mustard seed that grew into a great tree, and treasure buried in a field.
In the later stages of enlightenment, the centerpoint is the All, the Source, the One. The mustard seed does grow into a great tree – the Tree of the Source.
That is conscious awareness constantly deepening itself, the truth manifesting or making itself apparent at every step like a bridge that’s there now but wasn’t there a moment ago. This is a path of trusting – trusting others, trusting the universe, and trusting ourselves above all.
(1) Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Kathleen, through Linda Dillon, April 2, 2014.
(2) Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Steve Beckow, through Linda Dillon, June 7, 2015.
(3) “Archangel Michael: Pyramids of Light – The Light Pathway of Return,” channelled by Ronna Herman. July 1, 2015, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2015/06/30/archangel-michael-via-ronna-herman-pyramids-of-light-the-light-pathway-of-return/.
(4) Archangel Michael in a personal reading, ibid., June 7, 2015.
(5) Sosan, Hsin Hsin Ming. The Book of Nothing. Kansas City: Andrews, Andrews McMeel, 2002, 16. Lightworkers will appear to disagree on matters like these. Here is Tiara Kumara of Children of the Sun appearing to state a different principle than I’m stating:
“Live according to your preferences and what gives you joy. Any direction that excites you the most, and that gives you that full body YES, is the pathway to your next step. Just walk through that door of excitement, without any hesitation.”
There’s more than one door in to any state; in fact there are usually many doors. I favor giving up preferences, a state that feels peaceful and is a door in to bliss. Tiara favors living according to your preferences in action, enthusiasm, excitement, which brings us to the Now where bliss freely lives. The graphic of “Bliss Dance” she uses, from Burning Man, typifies this approach.
I have no problem with different approaches: whatever works. Totally following your preferences with joy might work. Totally dropping them also works. I’m more of a contemplative person when it comes to bliss and she may be more of an active person. (Tiara Kumara, “MORPHOGENESIS: Activate Your Bliss Blueprint,” July 7, 2015 by email.