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Dissociation – What a Long Road Back!

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I received the answer recently to a question that has long plagued me.

The situation is here I am, Mrs. Beckow’s son Stephen. What do I know about running companies? Moving money? Running a large news outlet and a spiritual-research company? All of the above at once?

With no memory?

Are we left adrift to cope as best we can in all of this?

My answer is that , based on my experience, we’re given what we need when we need it.

Michael reassured me that memory, finances, and all other things would be there when I needed it.

Steve: My big concern is that I’ll be head of a large organization and have no memory.

Archangel Michael: And you think that we would leave you helpless?

Steve: No, I hope not.

AAM: No, dear heart, that is not the plan.

Steve: Oh good! Even knowing there is a plan is comforting.

AAM: There is not only a plan, Sweet One. There is a strategy afoot to implement the plan  (1)

There is a plan for finances, for memory, and earlier today I received another reassurance of it in the form of a spiritual experience that left me feeling … mature.

In one heartbeat, I moved from being pretty average and ignorant in the area of maturity to absolutely knowing what “maturity” was, from experience.  Let me explain further.

I seemed to be wading from one emergency after emergency right now – right down to the water being turned off in our apartment today because there was an emergency!

My computer started acting up, as you know, and then died altogether. That was a stressor!

At the same time, a dear friend sprained her ankle and injured her knee, calling for an emergency response and assistance in recovery. Every day was a fresh disaster, making it very difficult to get down to work.

I watched myself as the stress mounted and knew that I was heading for an energy crash or a major, major blow-up.

But I can’t keep blowing up and I can’t keep having work-related breakdowns. I’m soon to be a CEO and that means putting childish ways aside.

In the midst of this building stress, I had an incredible spiritual experience. I have a direct experience of the divine state of maturity.

So let’s be clear: my stress was rising quickly and, in my view, my guardians, Michael and my Universal Self  engineered an experience for me that would show me the state of mind of maturity and, with it, the way out of stress. They did it exactly when I needed it.

I also attribute its appearance  to the rising love energies we’re all simmering in.

It’s matureness that I want to explore here.

***

The side of me that was called forth is a side that would have sat in the front of a hearing room, a side that views matters with mature deliberation.

Whatever the case, this is new. My stress level just dropped away. Experiencing this newfound vein of maturity, what I need to do becomes clear. Let me come to it in a moment.

What’s more important to note is the clarity. Dissociated for fifty years, unable to find the ground under my feet, fearful of being found out, lacking self-confidence and with no memories of encouragement to fall back on during that time, I now feel the rise of a sense of maturity. And with it a sense of clarity.

My gawd, what a long road back it’s been. 

Well, speaking from my newly-found or newly-acquired maturity and clarity (which I hope lasts!!!)  I can now state, without squirrelinesss, what my needs are. That’s not something I could do before.

I don’t feel arrogant. I don’t feel victimized. I don’t feel any of the stressful feelings I’d ordinarily feel in this situation.

What an interesting experience. Another first in the recovery of the Humpty Dumpty Man from dissociation. (2)

I become aware of another aspect of its origin. I get to see that my entire value as a child was tied up with my output. To be a lazy, no-good good-for-nothing was THE cardinal sin. And this over-productivity is the result.

However the end result of working through this situation – putting Humpty together again – turns out to be the revealing or restoring of maturity.

In this state, I am of one mind, not two. There’s no holding back and nothing monitoring me.  At the same time, any of what we think of as the lesser feelings are absent.

This is an empty-mind state; there’s no love flowing in it that I’m aware of. I could draw love up from my heart but I’d rather explore this space on its own first.

I see and hear no ego in maturity. There’s balance, patience, detachment.

What’s the significance of all this? Make no mistake about it: I went from being not overly mature one minute to understanding the state completely the next.

I interpret this to show us how it is that “we will have enough when we need it.” It refers to divine intervention to see that we have the light and other resources we need in a timely fashion. (3)

My understanding comes from actually experiencing the state of maturity and recognizing it. I saw that it was something I’m already familiar with but have covered over with 3D vasanas, limiting beliefs, inadequate paradigms, etc.

This process of spiritual transformation, I predict, will be geared to the requirements of our lightwork.  More “Aha!” moments. More intuitive guidance. More suggestions being made. Not necessarily the senior-level experiences which would have us leave service altogether. (4)

And more introductions to the divine states. And that process, I think, will be adapted to the needs of our service – not too much that we’d leave and not so little that we don’t know how to cope, serve, and lead.

 Footnotes

(1)  Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, June 17, 2020. (Hereafter AAM.)

Archangel Michael: You will have enough of a memory, dear heart. Do not worry about it. (AAM, April 13, 2016.)

(2)  When I was seven, my Dad shouted at me from mere inches in front of my face. My personality shattered into a thousand pieces and, after that I had no “self” to have confidence in, no ground under my feet, no sense of myself until age 58 when, after processing vasana (core issue) after vasana, I fused back together again in a moment of white heat, thanks to my late therapist brother Paul.

I thought of myself as the Humpty Dumpty Man. See:

(3) Other examples of divine intervention? Putting out two kitchen fires, making two heavy concrete objects weightless so I could get them into a dumpster, circumventing the obstacles to securing this apartment, and so on.

(4) AAM: You have received several upgrades in terms of what you would think of as your levels of enlightenment. So it is not that those adjustments have been absent. But let us also say that right now if you were to complete your full ascension, many of you would not bother to stay and finish the creation of Nova Earth.

Steve: So you really have to meter it out to us, so to speak, so as not to send us flying off into some other pursuit?

AAM: That is correct.
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Steve: But we will have enough to do the job, enough smarts, enough heart…

AAM: Think of it as growing every day. Then you are given more responsibility, more allowance, and more cooperation. You begin to fully see us and engage with us. Many of the Masters return. So that you’re given all that you need to expand like a flower blossoming. (Archangel Michael in a personal reading through Linda Dillon, March 10, 2017.)