I keep circling around the same puzzle, based on the same question: Why do I not feel happy all the time?
Never mind any explanations or stories. I don’t care about the circumstances. Plain and simple: Why am I not happy 100% of the time?
Happiness may not be your thing. Please substitute whatever you seek: Bliss, joy, love, peace, etc.
I’ve been a grump for so much of my life, simple happiness appeals most to me.
I suspect that seeking love will bring happiness in its train. I’ll file that one away for future research.
For now, what prevents me from feeling happy all the time, right this moment? Whatever it is, it must be here now, because I don’t feel happy right now.
As I try to answer that question, I come closer and closer to uncovering the system that I follow – or have followed for many years. I can barely make it out.
Pretending to be in the service of the just and truthful, I’ve pushed a lot of people around in my time. I’ve used self-righteousness to mask some pretty unpleasant moods on my part.
Becoming aware of that awaited many things, which now have happened. I can now see some of the manipulations I foisted on others.
Not like I’m interested in beating myself up either. I’m only interested in what to do next to recapture that purity and innocence of Self that I was bathed in during my time at Xenia. (1)
I’ve known since 1987 that things work in the final reel. (2) How? Hint: God meets God.
It’s just the distance between here and there that I have no idea of.
Maybe I should just leave it there. I know I’m following a path (of awareness) that will lead me Home. It’s moderated by the demands of a life of service to the Mother, which is another path Home (karma yoga, seva). And, besides, I know full well that I need to leave these matters to Michael and the Mother anyways, path or no path.
I don’t like not knowing what comes next. Maybe I should let go of having to know.
Let go, let go, let go to recover original innocence and permanent happiness.
(1) See “Original Innocence,” Sept. 21, 2018, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2018/09/21/original-innocence-2/
“I Now Know How the Play Ends,” Sept. 22, 2018, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2018/09/22/i-now-know-how-the-play-ends/
“Archangel Michael Explains What Happened at Xenia,” Sept. 22, 2018, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2018/09/22/archangel-michael-explains-what-happened-at-xenia/
“The Heart is ‘the Seat of the Soul’,” December 17, 2018, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2018/12/17/the-heart-is-the-seat-of-the-soul/.
(2) See “The Purpose of Life is Enlightenment – Ch. 13 – Epilogue,” at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2011/08/13/the-purpose-of-life-is-enlightenment-ch-13-epilogue/
The Purpose of Life is Enlightenment, at https://gaog.wpengine.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Purpose-of-Life-is-Enlightenment.pdf