The experience at Xenia and its implications keep rippling through me.
What follows is a course correction for me. If I followed the seemingly-innocuous path I was contemplating, I’d risk betraying the love that I know.
It’s also a part of my mission. AAMichael has said that where he wants me to go next is to illustrate the healing that needs to take place in all areas of life. After Xenia, he said:
Archangel Michael: What you are doing next, and let me also say, what we – you and I – are doing next is focusing on the healing, the clearing, the redirection of social, moral, spiritual, emotional issues that somehow – undercover – subtly and actually, create an environment where such behaviour [as pedophilia] is tacitly accepted. (1)
This can be viewed as an article contributing to facilitating the healing of spiritual and emotional issues.
I was just about to go for a walk on the beach on a sunny October afternoon when I realized that how I was approaching things was awry. My walk was about meeting people. That was the real purpose of it. A seemingly-innocuous decision….
But below it was the thought that I needed other people to enjoy myself. I saw myself as seeking diversion, humor, comfort, affirmation, validation, love, from others, which is a common enough practice in our society.
But I also heard myself say: What am I doing? I’m selling myself out and, worse, selling love out.
Just as Maria Erving says, (2) there’s backsliding here, a foot in both camps, waffling.
I know full well that all good things come from my own heart. But I’m betraying that knowledge by looking to others to supply it for me.
If I agree to step back into ignorance – acting as if love primarily comes from another – love will leave. It does so quickly, simply disappearing.
I don’t know how to fit the Xenia experience (the sight and experience of the Self) into conventional categories because I think it was truncated. I base that on the expectation that the sight of the Self should have been brighter than a thousand suns. Instead it was translucent. But what do I know? (3)
There was no mistaking the feeling content of the experience – innocence and purity. But I have questions about what I saw. (4)
Contrary to what we might think, these regrettably-short-lived experiences don’t result in a cessation of wobbling, waffling, and making compromises, etc.
Soon after – around two weeks in my case – the experience dissipates and the memory starts growing dimmer.
I’m back to being my old self with just a little additional help. I lost the intimacy of the contact and connection with the Self and it now becomes a memory. (5)
We’re back in the whirl of social convention and conditioned responses. And in most cases we succumb and return to the status quo before the experience. That was the situation Maria was reporting on.
Again, if we look at relationship post-experience, one experience doesn’t (usually) mean smooth sailing there either. Remember “Bright Star” and how he and his wife were having difficulty that could be traced back to the changes wrought in him by his heart opening? (6)
When my heart opened on March 13, 2015, I entered the loneliest period of my life. (7) No one around me knew about either a heart opening or transformative love. Many pretended that they did, which was awkward for me.
I was alone in the world, not wanting to abandon love for the world’s version of it. So all is not roses just because we now have at least some access to higher-dimensional love.
What it amounts to is that I’m trading my own experiential and realizational wisdom for the lights and drama of connection and relationship. Great in the world’s terms but not so great in love’s terms.
I’m calling myself on not being serious about love.
It’s a choice that’ll need to be made day after day: Do I want to increase my experience of love or watch it disappear?
It’s a choice that doesn’t face many people. Unless we’ve experienced this much richer and more powerful form of love, we wouldn’t know why it’s worth fighting for, so to speak. Fighting with our own tendency to betray it, that is.
Seeking love from outside myself when I have access to the gold mine inside me (8) is turning my back on what I know to be reality. Some sage once reminded us that we have to be faithful to our awakenings if they’re to become anchored in us. We can’t betray them and hope they’ll stay.
If I want to increase my experience of love, I need to respect the fact that I’m the source of my own enjoyment, my own salvation, my own love.
I’m not to be passing the hat to others begging for pennies when I have a treasure chest full of gold in my heart. (AAMichael calls it “spiritual currency” – infinitely more important than physical currency.)
Before, I never was this serious about anything. Because there never was anything worth being serious about.
But now that I see what’s valuable and available – now that I’ve tasted innocence and purity, added to transformative love – I pour all of my emotional and mental energy into working on my connection with the Self to make available to myself as much of that experience as is I can, consistent with my mission. And so will you when you get bitten.
Did we not focus “on the healing, the clearing, the redirection of social, moral, spiritual, emotional issues”?
If we can correct our own thinking on the matter of where love is to be found and begin to seek the experience of love in and from our own hearts (use the inbreath to draw it up), the satisfaction level of the population would go up, I predict, dramatically.
That would elevate our vibrations and carry the world closer to being beyond the reach of those who’d exploit our children. We’re increasing our power to love and the amount that we do love. That must be a direct contribution to ending pedophilia.
I’m sufficient unto myself in this most precious of gifts. I have the gift of love and, with that, everything – including gold and jewels – loses its luster.
I fill myself with love right now. Now I have no need to go anywhere or to do anything, although I can if I want.
Love really is the answer. Love will make the world work for everyone.
Forget everything you ever heard about love and experience your own. Your own inner tsunami of love will be the best teacher.
All is answered by this love. All is settled by it. All is transformed by it.
(1) Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, Sept. 21, 2018.
(2) “Maria Erving: Falling Back Into Duality (Spiritual Awakening Process), Golden Age of Gaia, October 13, 2018, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2018/10/13/maria-erving-falling-back-into-duality-spiritual-awakening-process/.
(3) Later addition: The Divine Mother later confirmed that it was truncated:
Steve: The experience at Xenia, Mother, was that truncated?
Divine Mother: Slightly, yes. Steve: I had the thought [it was]. … The Light I saw should have been brighter than a thousand suns. The fact that it wasn’t suggests to me that the experience was truncated. … DM: It was not is brilliant as possible, let us put it that way.
Steve: Alright… And again, the reason is to keep me in sync with my readers?
DM: It is to keep you in sync with your readers… But let me be very clear about that. If you had seen the light as it actually is, yes, a million, billion suns… You would have simply departed. … We don’t mean die but you would have departed the life that you have designed – yes, with us, for yourself, for the service you are providing – you would have departed and simply said, “I do not need to do this. I will just simply sit in the bliss of love and good luck, everybody!” (Divine Mother in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, Oct. 26, 2018.)
(4) I’ve previously had a fourth-chakra experience (the heart opening). Either the sight of the Self was a second fourth-chakra experience or else it was higher up the chakra tree but was truncated.
Michael has said all the rules of enlightenment have changed so I don’t really see it as useful to try to create a new schema for contemporary enlightenment. I’ll leave that to others and concentrate on writing an (amateur) ethnography of the scenic journey that we’re all on.
(5) Many lightworkers, myself included, don’t have a well-functioning short-term memory. If I didn’t write my experiences down as they happen, I wouldn’t remember them, a short time later.
(6) See Bright Star, “Jesus to Bright Star: On the Nature of Sacred Union – Part 1/2,” Golden Age of Gaia, July 28, 2018, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2018/07/28/jesus-to-bright-star-on-the-nature-of-sacred-union-part-1-2/ and “Jesus to Bright Star: On the Nature of Sacred Union – Part 2/2,” July 29, 2018, Golden Age of Gaia, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2018/07/29/jesus-to-bright-star-on-the-nature-of-sacred-union-part-2-2/.)
For background, see “Bright Star: An Account of a Heart Opening,” Golden Age of Gaia, December 29, 2017, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/?p=291639.”
(7) See “Original Innocence,” Golden Age of Gaia, Sept. 21, 2018, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2018/09/21/original-innocence-2/ and “Archangel Michael Explains What Happened at Xenia,” Golden Age of Gaia, Sept. 22, 2018, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2018/09/22/archangel-michael-explains-what-happened-at-xenia/
(8) I’m reminded of Eckhart Tolle’s story of the beggar sitting on a box, which contained gold bars. The heart is the box and the gold bars are love.