Where to start…how about by saying it was an accident, and not an attack because of what I post. I’m not much of a target, actually.
At this point, four days after the fire, my daughter and I are feeling mostly at peace with the experience. The first two days were brutal, because our home and sacred space were forever changed, and most everything we had was ruined. Our deepest pain throughout, though, was the loss of one our cats…beloved Cousteau.
Named, of course, after Jacques. Remember “The Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau”? That man was a childhood hero of mine.
Here’s the thing about that, though…
Cousteau (the cat) was being treated for pancreatitis, and only partially successfully. We knew he’d been suffering at times, and at others, he seemed to be alright. The bottom line for us is that we would gladly have given up the house to keep from witnessing his decline and further suffering. It seriously would have wrecked us both to see him in pain, and as it stands, he departed his body from a sleep state….he just left.
That, for us, is the very brightest of silver linings…and there are more of those.
I’ve been living in this house for 28 years. My daughter knows no other home. Since my divorce in 2010, I’ve placed my resource focus on keeping us healthy with good food and exercise, and the house has taken the hit in terms of maintenance and repair. A building can be fixed. The human body takes a bit longer to bring back to balance.
A situation developed in my home in which a number of systems in need of repair or replacement just were not getting addressed. Because of the extensive smoke and water damage now, though, the house will be gutted and everything replaced. As far as possessions, if anything can be recovered, it will be cleaned and put in storage while the house gets its transformation.
They estimate that it will be ten months before we get back into our home, and when we do, it’ll be all new and just the way we want it to be. That is one very lovely result of a terrible accident, there’s no denying. Countless times, I’d prayed to be able to move into a healthy home. I left out the caveat that it be peaceful and easy.
Really, though…the way this has gone has been an accelerated version of the process of letting go.
- Cousteau, and by proxy, we, won’t have to endure prolonged suffering over his physical issues.
- Our home gets to bypass a long, drawn out (or non-existent) renewal process.
Whatever we’ve lost, we get the opportunity to either replace or forget about, and many things are well and deeply into the category of being easy to release, anyway. How many times have we said that if we have one another and our cats, we’re good to go anywhere as long as we’re together? A bunch of times.
Honestly, the worst is over now.
Yesterday, we brought Cousteau’s peaceful looking, soot covered and uncharred body to the crematorium, and we said goodbye. They were very kind there. It was my first experience of a funeral home for pets, and it really wasn’t terribly different from the ones for people. The image above is of the reading selection there. Yes yes, it’s about Cat Heaven and not the feline tendency to gak up an assortment of gastronomic contents, but it made me LOL at the moment.
We already have two cat bodies in the back yard, buried respectfully and with ceremony, because it felt important to do it that way at the time.
This time, however, there was too much going on for all of that. Every day so far has been a practice of maintaining focus on what has to be done next. Pretty much nothing else fits in there…not ascension, not world news. Now today, on Easter Sunday, it’s the first day that I didn’t have to go back to the house or go shopping for necessary items.
There are so many beautiful things that have happened as a result of this fire.
Nova was found by a fireman and was given oxygen, and once they released her to us, we brought her to the vet ten minutes away. They took care of both her and my daughter, who I had to leave there while I went back to the house to talk to detectives. My girls were both there for hours, and when I went back to fetch them and square up, the vet said, “No charge,” and I burst into tears.
Nova is doing well, by the way, eating and doing normal catly things. We’ll call her the Shaman Kitty now, because she survived a house fire.
Yesterday when I called the crematorium to say I had a house fire and a dead cat that needs cremating (yes, that IS how I stated it on the call), the lovely woman on the other end of the line gave all the details about what was available in terms of containers for the cremains…and when she said, “No charge,” a fresh wave of gratitude brought me to once again burst out sobbing.
And here’s my final and greatest revelation about this event. The outpouring of loving support, appreciation and validation that’s come in from our wonderful reader community just makes my heart swell with humbling gratitude. Honestly and truly, without you all and your prayers, Love and support, my life would be very different, and far less full and satisfying.
There aren’t words to express the depth of feeling that comes with that, and Merinda and I offer our most sincere gratitude, love and appreciation for your presence and participation in every way that you bring it.
From here, I await word from my public adjuster (Lou) that the extended stay place is approved, an advance is coming, and they’ve found us some lovely places to choose from to live until our home is ready for habitation once again. All hopefully tomorrow morning.
There’s no denying that this is an awful way to get what I’ve been asking for…but who could complain? It’s all happening so fast, and multiple chronic issues are being addressed by this one event. The worst is over, and we have so much to be grateful for.
