I’ve said that I’m approaching exiting the cycle of conflict as how I believe a successful CEO would. That’s going to be my role soon enough.
I call doing this work of exiting the cycle voluntarily (without being required to) “pushing my edge.” As I do so, the insights start popping.
The chief insight is about how I use resentment.
A ball was recently dropped on an online booking and it caused a major upset and then the situation was resolved. But I was left bruised by what a painful dropped ball it was and with a strong desire to see it doesn’t happen again. I began to resent.
And then I sat with it, unaccustomed as I am. And I watched as I glued myself to the issue, went over it again and again, perfected my story, none of which felt very good.
I saw that I resorted to resentment as if I were attaching a flag to a file: Dangerous Traitor. Eliminate ASAP. By any means available (hatred, deception, rejection). Character wars are all out wars, you know. (Just kidding. Well, somewhat.)
And I realized that doing this would not make me a successful CEO. It would make me unsuccessful. This is what Hitler and all the Nazis did and why they could never get organized at the top of the hierarchy.
All of this has to go in me. This is the one I’m responsible for. I’m monarch over my own domain, responsible for all I think and do. (1)
Fortunately I know enough to just stop acting on the thought, stop the behavior, just stop. That cuts through the bafflegab.
And the Divine Mother has supplied me with the litmus test: Does it feel like love? No. Then don’t do it. (2)
Easy peasy. It’s just doing it which in the past has escaped me. Like my daily sadhana. Great intentions.
Yesterday I also chose not-conflict in a different situation. This is not the usual me. I’m a fighter, scrapper, protector.
One of the things I noticed is that leaving the upset to the day it happened showed up like good policy given where I’ll be going. This resolution arose from observing myself winding up to resent.
On the earlier occasion, yesterday, I heard the Divine Mother saying in memory, is it of love? If not, don’t do it. (2) Acting on that I didn’t do what I felt perfectly entitled to do. That was a good litmus test
I also recall saying I value our relationship more than inciting a squabble.
So I’m in new territory. This is me, trudging uphill in the growth work it’s taking to emerge from the cycle of conflict. You’re watching it in real time.
I won’t have time later on to do as much work as I can now, with as much concentration, and any mistakes I make then will be much costlier.
(1) I call the work I’m doing here “reparenting.” Relevant to this discussion are these books:
- Vasanas: Preparing For Ascension by Clearing Old Issues at https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/Vasanas-Preparing-for-Ascension-R8.pages.pdf
- Leaving the Cycle of Conflict at https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/09/Leaving-the-Cycle-of-Conflict-18.pdf
(2) The whole quote from the Mother is noteworthy:
Divine Mother: When you read a piece of information, when you watch something on TV, when you listen to something on the radio, you think two things. One, according to the change in constancy, is this change contributing to the anchoring of myself , humanity and Gaia in the higher dimensional realms? Is it of love? We’re not talking about even doing an analysis because, dear heart ,your societies tend to analyze things to death. We are talking about heart discernment. Does it feel like love? It is a very quick yes or no.
So, then, do I wish to integrate this information into my being and into the creations that I am bringing forth every moment of every day? And your creations are not simply the piece of beautiful art that you have spent the day on, or the week, or the year on. It is also the creation of a smile in the grocery store, a look, a tender hug for one in pain. Do I wish to bring this tearing down information into my realm and my sacred space? Does this feel like it came from the infinite creation of the Mother?
Did it come from the highest place of love? If the answer is no, then go back to what you were doing. (“Heavenly Blessings: The Universal Law of Change with Universal Mother Mary, Part 2/2,” September 8, 2013, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2013/09/08/heavenly-blessings-the-universal-law-of-change-with-universal-mother-mary-part-2-2/.)