I lost my shoulder bag yesterday and was despondent and disappointed. So long as I was emotionally down, I wasn’t available to my mission.
I was despondent because I had once again lost something with mission relevance: My driver’s license was in it; that had me worry about identity theft. At the same time I kept hearing Michael say, we won’t let your mission fail….
I was disappointed because, when I processed the vasana, I saw that that was how Dad would meet my losing something. He’d be disappointed and that would give him the right to do … anything he wanted, really. Only Mom acted as conscience.
And I did something I’ve done before but not in a thorough-going manner. Having been dissociated for fifty years, I now put that experience to good use.
I imagined two “me’s”: One my Higher Self, whom I’ve often called Big Steve or the Commander, and another my normal self, whom I’ve often called Little Steve.
I imagined my Higher Self putting his arm around me, breathing up love, and and sending it to me. It revived me and I went on my way, restored to Self.
I spent the next few days observing how to remain close to my Higher Self. More and more I’m staying in Big Steve. (1)
Love is what Little Steve didn’t have from his Father (lots from his Mother), growing up. But loving myself in this tangible way meets the need exactly.
I call this reparenting. There are no more parents to do the job and I’m not a kid any more anyways.
This reappearance of Big Steve is another change since June 12, when I realized my co-creative partnership with Michael. (2) These changes have been happening one after another. Overall it feels like emergence. (3)
(1) I have a particular war hero, whom I won’t name for fear of awakening old wounds. I’ve often wondered how he was the way he was. I now think it’s because, in the course of his trying experiences, he contacted and then merged with his Higher Self.
(2) See “Co-Creative Partners with the Company of Heaven,” June 12, 2023, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2023/06/12/co-creative-partners-with-the-company-of-heaven/
(3) On emergence, see Lightworkers: Creating a World that Works for Everyone. Volume 3/3: Emergence and Service at https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Lightworkers-3-6.pdf