For whatever reason I now experience there being space between something happening and my response. I’m no longer automatically reacting. I seem to have more room in myself, less craziness.
That could be because I’m more at peace and so not as much driven by vasanas (core issues) and the automatic response patterns they give rise to.
It could be the impact of the rising love energies.
It could be my change of vote from being the troll under the bridge (a grumpy old [email protected]) to being a reasonably nice guy. And what being a nice guy brings.
It could be this space I’m in of silence of the mind and stillness of the emotions. I really don’t know.
Whatever the case, I now have space between “stimulus” and “response.” And what I see has me laugh and cry.
I have this litany of “smart” or “catchy” things I say. And I catch myself on the verge of saying one of them. And I look at that and ask myself why am I about to say that?
And I see a five-year-old boy wanting the approval of his parents.
Do I really want to keep doing that? No, I don’t. And I find myself saying less these days for exactly that reason.
Stroking the ego is no longer of interest. That makes my repertoire of catchy things obsolete.
One more thing to let go of.
As I observe myself responding to situations and a catchy response comes up, I find it triggers “business” (issues, upsets) in me, in its train. I’m kept busy moving from one triggered vasana to another, recovering, repairing the damage, getting nowhere….
Wait a minute. This is familiar.
This is my Mom and Dad’s cycle of abuse: Have a fight, be separate, come together, have a good time, have a fight, be separate…. Nothing ever got resolved.
I’ll use the universal law on that one. Don’t need it any longer if I ever did.
As I transition from troll to human, I find that even a harmful or irritable thought these days has a greatly-multiplied effect on me. I feel awful. I no longer like it, if I once did. I’m being trained out of my grumpiness like Pavlov’s dog.
If it has that effect on me at a higher-fourth dimensional level, can you imagine how unpleasant it would be for a higher-dimensional galactic to feel our negative vibrations?
So all that has to go and I have no manual on how to do it. Well, actually, yes, I do: The universal laws.
Pushing my edge these days seems to return again and again to sending out love to the world. If I’m not being loving, it’s getting to be more and more painful.