When I look at why I’m not living in love, the barriers arise obligingly.
A lack of memory so I forget tomorrow what I resolved today.
Distractability so that I’m constantly seeking diversion, excitement, change.
A lack of discipline so that I don’t proceed in an orderly, organized fashion.
But the biggest barrier I stumbled on yesterday.
I’ve internalized my Dad’s critic and I mercilessly criticize, demean, and denigrate myself.
Well, not as bad as some people perhaps, but I only know my life.
I woke up at 7 am and immediately asked myself how many hours I’d slept.
I saw a side of me get ready to pounce on me if I said that I’d slept “too little.” I am the observer, the ever-present. I was staring at my Inner Critic, as if to say, “Who are you?”
Well, who the Critic is is the one who constantly criticizes, demeans, and denigrates me now that my Dad has graduated from this Earth.
Oh my heavens, let me observe you. Please continue. As you were.
Seeing the inner Critic allows me to put distance between the two of us and observe him. I am no longer one with the Inner Critic. I’m aware of it and watch it, but don’t act from it now.
OK, one barrier to living in love removed.