I have (and I wonder if we have as well) many urgent needs, strong desires that I serve endlessly – and without question.
An example would be a strong desire for affirmation that’s authentic and not manipulative.
I was criticized as a child at the very time when a son wants a father to be proud of his efforts. So this desire for a few words of praise runs deep.
And then there are layers and layers of adaptive or conditioned behavior piled on top of that deep-seated urge.
I hear the voices: You shouldn’t be arrogant. All you care about is yourself. And I adapted.
Then another layer: It’s not cool to make too much of yourself. It leaves a bad impression. And I listened up.
Then another layer….
It’s an archaeological dig to get down to the one layer that’s influencing my behavior. In this case, that layer is a strong and deep-seated desire – a felt need – for authentic affirmation.
But that’s just one deep-seated desire and its associated archaeological dig. I think I probably have several if I were to take a look.
Earlier I called these “interests.” I serve the interest, in my case, of winning affirmation. With another it might be security. Another, love.
The Arcturians once said that:
“Because you were to work with Ascension, you were called upon to create a reality in which you went to the depths of the depths [with my Father] while you also experienced great love [from my Mother].” (1)
Yes, that’s correct. I experienced great love from my Mother. I experienced the depths with my Father.
I take a look and I see that they’re right: My strong desire is not so much in the area of receiving love, where I feel nurtured by my Mother, as it is in receiving affirmation, associated with my Father.
Seeing this is fitting another puzzle piece into place, on the path of awareness. It goes right here, we say, and we begin to see the picture in this portion of the puzzle. And we add more puzzle pieces until at some point the whole picture becomes clear and we realize what it is we’re seeing.
In fact we’re seeing ourself. The picture in the puzzle is our constructed self, our self-image, our idea of ourself.
Once we see that, the truth will set us free from it.
Krishnamurti used to say over and over again that knowledge of the ways of the self is what will set us free. He wasn’t talking about the Self/One. He was talking about the constructed self. Knowledge of the ways of the constructed self will set us free from them and then, what other obstacle is there?
The constructed self – with its vasanas, patterns, and interests – is the obstacle between us and enlightenment.
By naming and discussing parts of my constructed self, here with you, I’m pointing at puzzle pieces that will eventually form a big and coherent picture. And I’ll move from simple intellectual knowledge, or even experience, to realization of what it is I’m looking at.
Simple awareness is what will set us free. By “awareness” I mean what consciousness does – which may or may not include “experience” and may or may not lead to realization – namely, observe, watch, notice, and be conscious of.
Simple awareness is like a little Pacman. It gobbles up one issue after another and leaves us with simple space. Simple space is where we encounter and know our Self or experience one of the divine qualities.
And, since I live forever, in one form or another (as do you), I have time to watch and notice, one vasana after another, one pattern, one interest.
(1) The Arcturians in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Suzanne Lie, March 16, 2013.