Pre-Requisite to Exiting the Cycle of Conflict: Making and Keeping Promises

I’ve felt for a very long time that it’s unfortunate that we don’t have more widely disseminated approaches to everyday relationship conflict.

Of course I’m not in a relationship so I’m ignorant of current breakthroughs in that field.

I’m offering the analyses that cluster around the notion of “cycle of conflict” as a door in to exiting these repetitive arguments we have that are the major cause, in my view, of relationship breakdown.

And I mean any kind of relationship – working with, living with, or loving.

Anyone who’s gotten themselves into one needs to find a way out. Just allowing it to happen time after time after time weakens the bonds of connectedness and turns people against each other. It’s one repetitive activity that people usually don’t want to be part of but cannot find a way out. And it’s one that gets worse over time, especially with ordinarily mild-mannered people.

Download There is no Greater Gift than Listening V3. Leaving the Cycle of Conflict here: https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/There-is-No-Greater-Gift-than-Listening-V3-Leaving-the-Cycle-of-Conflict-R4.pdf

At the basis of it is fear. Father left when I was born. Mother died in a housefire. No one paid attention to me. No one listened to me.

So, beginning now, I’d like to suggest ways out of the cycle. The first one, today, is not only a way out but also a pre-requisite to engaging together in leaving the cycle. That is making and keeping promises.

I’m going to make you breakfast on Easter Sunday. “Promise?” I promise.

In the cycle of conflict, we often do what we want. We may not take account of others. We fear we won’t get what we want and so we’ve created an act, image, or persona that helps us get what we want it.

One element of that act can be: Don’t make any promises. Don’t let anyone pin you down. It’s dangerous.

Time to turn that one around. Not having a strong or dependable word is a pre-requisite for getting out of the cycle (and I’m in and out of it too). We have to be able to depend on you to do what you say or we have no basis for working together.

And making and keeping promises is also the first step in exiting the cycle of conflict.

I promise to make you dinner Easter Sunday by 10:00. How do you like your eggs?

Once we make and keep promises, we now have a basis for working together.

I’m going to need to do this impressionistically, moving from one step in the process to another.

There is No Greater Gift than Listening V3 Leaving the Cycle of Conflict R4