When I was lost in depression and dismay at Xenia Retreat Center, having watched segments of Frazzeldrip on Dark Outpost, a series I’d never seen before, I went into meditation in order to discover what the origin of the vasana or core issue was that I seemed to be sunk in.
I imagined I was going down a 100-floor elevator. But then a strange thing happened. We left the layer of existence in which the vasanas operated behind at maybe the 95th floor?
I was astounded to see that. We continued on beyond the vasanas. When I reached the ground floor, I immediately found myself flying and I flew to the end of the road, the bottom of my heart, the seat of the soul. And just as is written, there it was: the Self seated in the bottom of my heart.
But wait! My Self was not brighter than a hundred, thousand suns. It was rather luminescent. Still marvelously beautiful but not overwhelming. When I asked the Mother about it later, she said she had dimmed it so I didn’t go off and finish the job, abandoning my soul contract. (1)
What I did experience though were two of the divine qualities of the Self – purity and innocence.
This is the point of me retelling this story for the eighth or ninth time. The Self lies under the overburden of the vasanas.
If we were studying classical enlightenment texts, we’d be told that we’re in the Purification stage of enlightenment. Purification, Concentration, Illumination. Sila, samadhi, panna.
When we get underneath our vasanas – by whatever means we do and Kathleen has a lot to say on this – we find that we are originally pure and innocent.
We don’t have to earn our way back or exert effort. We’re there already. We may want to cleanse ourselves of our reactive patterns (the vasanas). Doing that will reveal our original innocence and purity. But we’ll never lose it. It is always already there.
When we cleanse ourselves of our vasanas, we get back to the beginning.
Pope Innocent III said: ““In our obsession with original sin, we too often forget original innocence.” (2) We completely forget it convinced of the reality of the original lie that we’re born in sin.
A great burden can be lifted off our shoulders when we see that, deep down, we are pure and innocent. Certainly I felt free and joyful in that experience.
There’s no need to seek affirmation, acknowledgment, absolution. We are all of us, every one, pure and innocent. In my view, to really see that, to really know that is the best way to (1) forgive everyone, (2) to love all, and (3) to realize human unity.
Footnotes
(1) Divine Mother: Let me be very clear…. If you had seen the light as it actually is – yes, a million, billion suns – you would have simply departed. …
We don’t mean die but you would have departed the life that you have designed – yes, with us – for yourself, for the service you are providing – you would have departed and simply said, ‘I do not need to do this. I will just simply sit in the bliss of love and good luck, everybody!’” (Divine Mother in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, Oct. 26, 2018.)
(2) At http://franciscanseculars.com/francis-meets-pope-innocent-iii/.