I’ve held this article back a few days, unsure whether I should be posting it or not.
The experience it describes and comments on was not a full one. I wouldn’t want people drawing conclusions on the basis of it for that reason. I worry that an account of a partial experience may confuse rather than clarify.
But in the end I thought that even explorations which are partial may contribute to our knowledge and so I post it.
I’d like to leave it to later research to say what dimension was involved.
I’m no longer in this space, but the residue is surprising. For the first time in my life, I feel completely normal. It’s as if the experience healed my issues.
I’ve been – abnormally – irritable, cynical, suspicious, guarded, you name it, until July 31, 2021. I’ve found it very difficult to get out of negative emotional territory and into positive.
This event, however, closed the chapter of my life associated with issues and with negativity. It took an experience of ecstacy to finally have me make the transition.
The account that follows combines my notes during the experience with later additions to flesh it out.
It’s 4:20 PM on Saturday, July 31, 2021.
There’s a war going on inside of me, with much the same contours as the war going on outside.
I just became aware, through moment-by-moment awareness of myself, of a layer of me that is … deliriously happy.
For now I can only contact it by being totally still. The moment I try to do anything in regards to it, the ego begins to run wild. What? Me, happy?
I, the observer, ask the body to to welcome this unexpected visitor by being as still as a churchmouse so as not to set off the ego.
I go into stillpoint. (1)
To get through the muscular and emotional resistance to upsetting the ego by being happy, I have to go through a maximum of ego-generated distraction. Think of it as flak. Coming in from the left. There’s one from the right.
Ordinarily I’d back down and go back to being grumpy. The ego won. I need peace and I trade submission for peace. Tough-guy self-image retained.
But not today because today I’m deliriously happy – at a deep level of myself, below usual consciousness. I can barely get in touch with it before the next egoic onslaught.
(This is why I say this was not a full experience and why I’ve been reluctant to share it.)
I invoke the Law of Elimination and ask the Divine Mother to take my conceptual knowledge away, my world of meaning. Give me a factory reset. The stillpoint of stillpoint. I definitely do not need this data bank that I carry around with me.
I’m very much aware that whatever is permanent will endure and whatever is temporary will not. I’m fine with that.
I’m now bereft of Steve. Since I’ve experienced my original innocence and purity, (2) I have a pretty good idea of what to expect in this current situation.
Still, normal, and bereft of identity, I let go. All is under the Mother’s direction and she knows what she’s doing. To control this in any way is beyond my pay grade. (3)
I next invoke the universal laws of Intention, Sacred Purpose, As Above So Below, and a few others and ask the Mother to restore me to my original innocence and purity.
Immediately I see that this is a bit of a ridiculous request because those qualities are always already here. There’s nothing to restore to me or for me to be restored to. If my innocence and purity are not an integral part of me, then who are they an integral part of?
And then I remember … deliriously happy? … I know this space. This is ecstacy!
Once recognized, I immediately feel total abandon. Total completion. Total satisfaction. This is ecstacy.
Let me not let this space out of my grasp too quickly and let me not try to hold onto it either.
Let me allow it to pass downwards, as an energy, from a space inside my head to my chest.
I’ve never done this before. I see that this completes some kind of circuit of head and heart. The result is that, at this moment, I have the sense of not being bound by anything.
(Concluded in Part 2, tomorrow.)
(1) See “And Here It Is,” June 11, 2021, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2021/06/11/and-here-it-is/ and “Stillpoint: The Dark Night of the Soul,” July 11, 2021, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2021/07/11/stillpoint-the-dark-night-of-the-soul/
(2) See “Original Innocence,” Sept. 21, 2018, at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2018/09/21/original-innocence-2/.
(3) The Divine Mother once explained to me the role the higher orders play in our enlightenment experiences:
Steve: Implicit in what you are saying, Mother, is something that hasn’t been really talked about very much and that’s that the archangels or somebody else is managing our enlightenment experiences, timing, intensity… Am I correct in that?
Divine Mother: It is a Board of Directors rather than being, “managed by.” That concept, the way that you have phrased it, dear heart, implies that you are being “managed.” And that is not correct.
[Steve: Otherwise, it ‘d be a violation of free will.]
Now also know, and it is delightful to speak about this … the timing, the pacing (and when I say “pace,” I mean the sequential unfoldment) of an Enlightenment process is such that of course you have a guardian [angel] and usually an archangel that is working with you so that it is humanly and can we say, soul or esoterically – via your universal self – managed.
So very often, the construct was that things were done for you or certain things were placed in front of you. Now I am not saying that there aren’t great many things that are put in front of you and done for you continually.
But you are far more involved and engaged in your Enlightenment process in terms of literal, actual, physical, mental, emotional engagement than you have been previously.
This is a good point for a discussion and that is why we have talked this day of this chaos and this bouncing ball of untruth that is constantly in the air of human relationships right now.
But what is happening is that sometimes in terms of your, shall we call it “schedule?” that you are online for a certain upgrade or opening or level of becoming and the human being despite all the nudging and approaching and support tacitly or actually says, “I’m not ready” or “I’m not interested.” (Divine Mother in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, Oct. 26, 2018.)
Can you put me on the waiting list please, Mother, for when an invitation goes untaken?