Just a few days after finding myself in the state of consciousness called abundance, I’ve had another major breakthrough this evening.
I suddenly realized – out of nowhere, though probably guided – that I didn’t allow myself to feel happy.
I swear I don’t remember a time in my life when I’ve actually allowed myself to deeply feel that way.
I’ve perpetually kept a lid on it.
The very next moment after I realized this, I felt overwhelmingly happy.
And not just as a feeling. In the same way that I discovered that peace was like granite, solid and stable, (1) so for a brief moment was happiness the same – solid, strong, stable – much deeper than a simple feeling. But I’ll continue to use the word “feeling” because I have no other word for this deep a consciousness state.
The feeling was totally novel to me. (2) I was flooded with memories of people inviting me to feel happy and me responding irritably. I swear I never knew why I responded that way, never even thought anything was amiss.
But some time ago, in the distant past, I must have felt so hurt, so traumatized that I distanced myself from happiness. I locked it away somewhere and led an essentially unhappy life.
What have I done to myself? How could I never have seen this?
Or are we just getting deeper and deeper into our vasanas, our core issues as the energies rise?
But for now, and for as long as it lasts, (3) I feel happy. And look! Happiness leads back to love.
All roads seem to lead back to it.
In all the years I’ve been writing about love, I never connected it to happiness. Happiness was literally elbowed off the stage by dismay, sadness, regret, and hopelessness, all feelings that arose out of conflict with my Dad.
I’m now at least in bliss, blending into ecstacy. Happiness is a door into all these!
I notice that bliss and happiness are very compatible. They blend into each other.
Happiness is in the moment. Like love, happiness is a higher-dimensional or transformative space.
Like love, the minute I go into unawareness with it, it disappears. As with bliss, I really have to sit here, just enjoying it, to get the full effect.
I’m happy and I have no reason for being so. It’s independent of the circumstances. I feel like Scrooge waking up on Christmas Day.
I don’t know how long this experience will last. It came out of nowhere and may as likely disappear into it again.
But for however long it lasts, I’m going to savor it.
For the first time in my life that I can remember, I am happy. (4)
(1) Here’s an account of peace being like granite:
“Immediately I found myself sinking into a deep, deep sense of peace, way down deep. I ended up in a place that was absolutely solid. It was as if I were standing on a slab of granite.
“Later again, in An Hour with an Angel, Michael also described peace as being like stone and I remarked that that was my experience as well. I would have expected downy softness.
“The solidity of the ground under my feet probably reflected my own inner stability, which seems to be a gift of true peace when it becomes permanent.
“This peace passed understanding in the sense that the mind was so still I’d have to describe it as inactive, archived, taken offline. There was no such act as understanding going on because the mind was decommissioned.
“Of course the experience passed, as all do short of Ascension.” (“The Peace that Passeth Understanding,” July 18, 2017, at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2017/07/18/the-peace-that-passeth-understanding/.)
Archangel Michael: So, when you think of things that you should do, are supposed to do, might do, and it doesn’t ignite that fire of excitement, and that granite of peace, then you are being given an important piece of information, which is ‘look elsewhere.’ Is that clear?” (“Transcript ~ Archangel Michael: You Have Chosen to Be the New Paradigm of Love, May 31, 2018,” June 7, 2018 at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2018/06/07/transcript-archangel-michael-you-have-chosen-to-be-the-new-paradigm-of-love-may-31-2018/.)
(2) Here’s what AAM had to say about the experience, a day after I’d had it:
Archangel Michael: You may have noticed, Sweet One, that happiness has a large role to play at this moment.
Steve: Well I’m just connecting with happiness myself. I don’t think I’ve allowed myself to be happy in decades!
AAM: It has been a very long time. (Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Diullon, Feb. 20, 2020.)
(2) I woke up the next morning and the experience had left me.
(3) A few days after writing this article, I read this passage from Saul, which I so agree with:
“Happiness is carefree, joyful, limitless, and inspiring. When you are happy you can do much more because you have boundless energy and enthusiasm for life, and that happiness, which is firmly established within you, uplifts and encourages those with whom you interact. You have all experienced the joy of watching small children bubbling over with happiness and have then been delightedly unable to suppress your own resultant good spirits. Learn from them then, embrace the moment, and have fun.” (Saul, Aug. 10, 2014, at http://johnsmallman.wordpress.com.)
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