In the course of reparenting myself, I’ve now reached the point of imagining myself as having three sides (that I want to work with).
I think of them as a triumvirate.
The first is Big Steve, my Adult consciousness.
The second is Little Steve, my natural, pure, and innocent Child consciousness.
And the third is me, the CEO – the operator, the observer, the Self. I can never give up executive authority. It would be impossible to do so.
Before you think this strange, listen to Archangel Gabrielle’s advice:
“The establishment and expansion of a conscious relationship between their personality and their infinite soul strengthens their radiance which gives them a greater capacity and expanded impact in living a rich and fulfilled life.” (1)
Big Steve and Little Steve are aspects of my personality; I am the operator and not a mechanism of personality, but the infinite soul.
The establishment of a conscious relationship between the imagined parts of my illusory personality and me assists me to live a richer life than I was living when I extended no leadership to my personality.
In terms of reconstructing my constructed self, this time in a productive manner, acknowledging these three sides of myself sets up a dance. I enjoy being in each of the three roles – the responsible Adult, the joyful Child, and the leaderly CEO or operator.
I feel able to move fluidly among them. At last I have three roles all of which suit me.
This feels like another stage in coming back from dissociation – having an adequately-developed and service-oriented personality through which to experience the world and respond.
The threesome (triad, triumvirate) operate as a team, under my direction. This to me is the creative use of imagined dissociation, bent in the service of putting Humpty – the really-dissociated one – together again.
Operating as a team allows me a flexibility of response I haven’t had before and opens up areas of vulnerability and experience I’d closed off to.
In the evening I, the operator, have made a practice for a few days now of checking in with Big Steve and Little Steve on the day and giving them all the love and encouragement I can.
But I now think that it’s not essential because all three of us share in every experience each one of us has. We’re like three different windows opening up onto the same landscape.
I’m actually taking an active role in keeping myself in good shape. It sounds crazy but it’s filling a huge need that I otherwise would look to others to fill.
Even if they play a role, in the final analysis, it has to come from me. I am the operator, the driver of a team of stallions.
(1) “Archangel Gabriel: The Quality of Love Known as Expansion,” channeled by Marlene Swetlishoff, November 6, 2014, at https://www.therainbowscribe.com/.