The missing piece, the piece that passeth understanding
What is it that keeps me going through long stretches of time without the main events happening?
Because I’m a journalist reporting on these main events, I believe I’m given previews. I have to factor in the value of those in inspiring me and drawing me on.
They act like fuel at times. And I write about them in the hope that it keeps many folks going through what at times must seem like an endless dry season.
But that’s my self-chosen job: To keep as many as possible going. I see a direct relationship with one of my past lives when I served exactly that function. Keeping an army going.
And it’s part of my soul contract as Michael and the Mother have explained to me. The job of a pillar is to get as many aboard the train as possible before climbing aboard him or herself.
The gatekeepers, on the one hand, are the ones taking far more across the energetic divide than the pillars. They’re like tour guides, taking folks over by the busload. That’s my view of them.
Us pillars, on the other hand, shepherd the stragglers onto the train. We’re not first responders. We’re last responders. We do a lot of listening.
We also take care of the rear, like cosmic janitors – turning out the lights and shutting the door.
When I’m told I’m a pillar, there’s a deep resonance. I infer from that that when others connect with a part of their soul contract, they’ll also feel a deep resonance. A deep, YES.
If my task is to keep as many lightworkers going forward as I can, what does “going forward” mean to me?
It means opening up more and more to life and others.
It means stopping bad behavior. Never mind wondering what to put in its place. Nothing needs to be put in its place. (This is a message to myself.)
What’s authentic about me will arise naturally, without the need of any help. If it doesn’t arise naturally, it isn’t authentically me.
Try it on. Test it out. Watch for any image management or personal performances. Like vasanas, these are not who we are.
“Going forward” also means having the courage to express ourselves, to come from the point of view that our input is not only meaningful; it’s scale-tipping. It makes a crucial difference.
When a person comes from that point of view, others can hear the self-confidence in the tenor of their voice, their pitch, their delivery. Everything about them reflects this point of view of self-respect – combined, of course, with humility.
I know a few people who behave at this level of deep faith in and respect for themselves. The one I know best is of course Kathleen. Every day she approaches more closely the balance point – not only hitting it, as she does now, but increasingly staying in it. (1)
She does it by forgiving everything, suspending judgement, and being grateful for everything that comes her way. Very simple except that she actually does it, whereas I usually just think about it. Or muse about it. Or occasionally beat myself up for not doing it.
I’m aware that I still have a lot of repressed anger, bitterness, mistrust, etc. It’s like a suit of armor. It’s habitual behavior that serves to keep me on guard and keep away similar mistreatment in the future.
Even though acting from it every day causes me nothing but pain, I still do it. I can therefore be said to be “addicted to pain” or more accurately, addicted to behavior that results in pain.
Why? It’s simply habitual. I know no other way. What I saw in my Dad, I repeated in myself, without ever knowing I was doing it.
The upshot is that I’m still stuck in a few, really major vasanas (or core issues), whereas to a greater degree Kathleen and the others I know are not.
I do have a piece of the puzzle, however. I do know by direct experience that vasanas are like a layer of skin – they only go so deep in us. I hope people will forgive my repetition, but in the descent into the deepest part of my heart, the seat of my soul or Self, on Sept, 18, 2018, I left the layer of experience in which the vasanas resided far behind me.
I could see and I knew at that moment that our vasanas are not who we are. Yes, I’d known it as intellectual knowledge for years before, for sure. It made sense. But I hadn’t had a direct experience of it until that day.
Our vasanas turn out to be not a very deep part of ourselves, compared to the depth at which we find the soul, the Light, the Self. The vasanas are like a thin layer of skin, really.
As Kathleen said earlier, each of us has a piece of the puzzle. (2) This is the first time a whole generation worldwide has (successfully) ascended in Earth’s history. I wonder if this is the very way we chose to do it: To give each person a piece of the puzzle.
Footnotes
(1) OK, I know, love is blind. True, but the fact remains….
(2) “‘Compton Cowboys’ Use Rescue Horses to Get At-Risk Youth Off the Streets.”