Anger is up for me right now, anger that has been suppressed for decades, that my Universal Self and Michael, I imagine, feel it’s now time for me to tackle.

I can’t take this anger with me into the work I’ll be doing. And if I don’t get to the bottom of it now and get it out of my life, it’ll be the Hitler effect again.

As a CEO, for a while things will go fine and my wealth and position will earn me respect. And then one day I’ll get triggered and angry and, from that day onwards, all things will begin to go downhill. (1)

I’m drawing on all I know to complete the vasanas or core issues left uncompleted, change my vote, develop alternative strategies, learn not to speak when angry, etc. (2)

***

 

I see anger and fear as married. They come together, paired.

I see anger as a protector and fear as someone seeking protection. When I’m angry, if I feel closely, I can feel fear behind it.

At the most general level, what am I angry about? I’m angry when I don’t get what I want.  I’m angry when someone won’t talk or listen to me. (This is a very strong vasana or core issue.)  (3) I’m angry when someone doesn’t do what I expect them to do.  I’m angry when someone blocks my progress.

What is central to all of them is “I” and “want.” Ego and desire. If I’m going to be the CEO of a large organization, dependent on hundreds of people doing thousands of things a day, I’m sometimes going to be frustrated, meet the unexpected, be challenged, etc. I have to have another way of handling things than anger.

One of those ways would be to hold “things” lightly and to value relationship ahead of them.

Another is to ask myself again and again and again, “What would love say?” That has to be the criterion from now on.

***

As I look closer at this, I see a picture of Hitler ranting at the microphone (radio was novel then).

What separates the bloodthirsty dictator from the ordinary angry Joe is how far they go with matters. The bloodthirsty dictator may torture and kill you.  The ordinary Joe will simply blow his stack and that’s the end of it. For one it’s entertainment; for the other, it’s pressure release.

But it remains simply a matter of degree, not of kind. In kind, both are attempts to force a favorable outcome. By the universal law of free will, no one should be forced to do anything.

Like all feelings, anger can appear on a spectrum from Protector to Perpetrator. As I see this, I see a pattern emerging …

This is a moment of truth with a vasana, that can set a person free.

The moment of truth is: I’m seeing my Father’s and Grandfather’s pattern: If a person was right, he didn’t get the back of their hand; if he was wrong, he did.  My resort to anger has been conditioned by the way it was used and abused in my family of origin. I knew that intellectually, but now I’ve realized it.

I have, as has been the worry all along, become my Father.  I feel humiliated and humbled. But there’s no way out except by acknowledging it.

***

As I penetrate further and further into the origins of my anger, I see another family pattern that I have.

Before I go there, however, I want to fill in the background. I have a script of rescuing women. My Mother rescued me from my Dad and I rescued my Mother. We were a tag team.

So I’m a rescuer.

OK, we also followed a cycle of conflict in my family. Dad and Mom would have a fight and then sulk and avoid each other. Then something or someone would finally break the ice and we’d have a good time for perhaps a week and then….

Around and around we went.

My Mom’s chief conflict strategy was to shut herself in her room and not communicate.

And seeing that tendency my Mother had, and that this was another origin of this vasana, the vasana lifted. I hate it when my partner shuts herself away and won’t communicate. And this is where it comes from. Again, the truth has set me free from the upset.

However it’s also revealed what security people would call a “vulnerability.” I have to eliminate it before taking the reins of a few financial companies.

***

I already know what I need to do about my anger. The minute I feel myself triggered I have to stop and not go there. Full stop. Access denied.

I need to withdraw from the situation if need be and gather myself. I’ve hit a land mine but there doesn’t need to be injury from it. In the spiritual realm, it depends on me, my intentions, my actions.

Just stop. Is that not the simplest thing to do on this or any other planet?

This must be what is meant by self-control, a word that equated with “repression” when I was in college. At this late date I’m learning self-control.

Time is running out. It may get harder later to “do the work.” I can’t take my anger with me, but how unpleasant letting go of it is depends on me.

Footnotes

(1)  French historian Guillaume Pretty:

“I’d say that Hitler was a man trying to gamble and that, at the start, the fact that he neglects the whole dimension of strategic tactics, the type of ground logistical problems. All of these oversights don’t catch up with Hitler the war lord.

“And then, one day, all of these conditions for war, which should allow a war leader to grow, catch up with him, and from then on, all his bets systematically fail.” (Guillaume Pretty, “1942: The Year The Germans Lost The War | Hitler’s Lost Battles,” Timeline, at [youtube.com/watch?v=BuBIpe0f91w], in “Finding Blame is like Making War on a Person,” May 29, 2022, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2022/05/29/finding-blame-is-making-war-on-a-person/.)

(2) For the upset clearing process and other clearing strategies, see Vasanas: Preparing For Ascension by Clearing Old Issues at https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Vasanas-Preparing-for-Ascension-R2.pdf. The only thing missing from the book is the use of the universal laws.

(3) My anger there stems from two sources: (A) being the runt of the litter, I was usually not listened to and (B) when my Mother felt angry, she’d go into her room and lock the door. That infuriated me.