by Matt kahn
https://mattkahn.org/
Hello Beloveds,
In order to hold space for the healing underway, one must be given enough space to explore their experience and the right to process however they feel.
Whether surfacing in yourself or others, each of us are guided along a journey of inner discovery as we come to terms with new sensations of emotion, while re-examining clusters of forgotten feelings that may have been buried underneath the surface.
Prior to uncovering the wisdom we are meant to glean from re-occurring themes of engagement, we are plunged into the wild wilderness of primal reaction, which can include tendencies to lash out and shut down in response to the surging discomfort of unwelcomed pain. While it is equally painful to be pushed away or ridiculed with judgment when someone feels threatened by the feelings that seem too powerful to process, it always acts as a reminder to hold space by offering anyone steeped in cycles of reaction the space and freedom to meet themselves.
Even when such space is interpreted as rejection or feeds a narrative of abandonment in someone’s mind, no amount of presence from another person can offer the potency of healing that comes from meeting ourselves without the allure of outside distraction. Just as we don’t accompany our adult loved ones to the bathroom or stare at them while they sleep to ensure they’re breathing, the healthiest relationships that honor space holding over any degree of rescuing always contains equal peaks of connection with valleys of solitude.
Whether you require space to feel into your experience without someone else’s narrative influencing your perspective or you happen to be the one someone else may need space from, may we hold space by being aware when offering space is more therapeutic than trying to prove yourself right, make someone else wrong, or fight to have the final word.
Even within circumstances where you have ample proof of being wronged by another person’s actions, the space you take to be with yourself will help you answer an essential question: “Whether another person ever sees the error of their ways, which choice can you make moving forward that is right for the evolution of your journey as a result of how you’ve been treated?”
Through the beauty and importance of holding space, we no longer yearn to change anyone’s perception of you — no matter how off base or misguided it seems to be. Instead, we offer space to allow the processing of discomfort and any fear of change or loss of control to move someone through their process of transmutation.
Knowing, if and when there is any hope of reconciliation, it may only occur during interactions when all hearts involved can express and share from a greater degree of wholeness. It is a depth of wholeness each person must find within themselves, once the inner rescuer becomes a more surrendered curiosity into learning and growing instead of defending and controlling.
Just as seeds require breaks from being watered in order to receive the benefit of hydration and can even risk drowning whenever flooded, the same is true for the healing power of our hearts; requiring equal doses of engagement and space in order for each relationship to blossom into its most radiant potential.