May 11, 2024
Something feels off kilter about taking the all-or-nothing approach to sugar consumption. Telling myself to not do a certain thing feels hopelessly outdated. Even a reminder to be alert to sugary foods (go ahead and eat it, if you must, but be aware of what you’re doing!) seems a bit mechanical. You can probably program a robot with behavioral patterns, and the creature has no choice but to obey. Do I really want to treat myself in such a soulless fashion?
*****
I’m tempted to say that dealing with a self-labeled compulsion using a traditional 12-step approach is too third-dimensional. Haven’t I evolved beyond that? Still, I could file this internal debate under “excuses, excuses.” I just want to enjoy my yummy substance, justifying it with a dubious claim of spiritual superiority.
I’m not sure if this is denial or just a strange sort of wisdom, but nothing I can imagine fits the bill for “getting Catherine off of sugary foods.” Besides, I don’t think this is about sugar. Most troubling things in the physical realm seem to be about emotional or spiritual issues, so eliminating a “bad” substance or behavior probably isn’t the answer.
*****
This morning, I had an English muffin with a light smear of glistening, sour-sweet lemon curd for breakfast. Oh, luscious! That smidge of sugar did not trigger a scramble for more. I wasn’t overcome with an irresistible urge to buy a super-sized chocolate frosted donut bar from Lighthouse Coffee.
I put the dish in the dishwasher and continued on about my morning. What tomorrow might bring, I don’t know. What I do know is that I feel as if I am resting in a cradle of neutrality, able to enjoy food whether it’s “healthy” or not-exactly-nutritious. Sugary food can provide a mood boost, but it could just as easily cause an inflammatory joint flareup or an emotional crash following the boost. I sense that my expectations will be the largest determinant of my experience.
I imagine my dance with the wily Fairy of Sweetness can propel me to a higher spiritual plane, or at least a more comfortable one, if I welcome her visitation rather than block her with a wall of fear and old conditioning.
