December 8, 2022
Therefore I gladly trust / My body to this school…~ George Herbert, Church Monuments
One of my spiritual quests appears to be developing the faith that I’m always supported by Universe, and, as a corollary, that I should be trusting. Yesterday, I had three clear demonstrations of why people are not worthy of my trust.
Was this a little joke from the universe? A way to test my faith? Apparently the quest includes the caveat, “despite repeated evidence to the contrary.“
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Spiritual wisdom might speculate that I’m attracting untrustworthy people or non-supportive situations for some esoteric purpose, perhaps to rake up interior negativity and release it. A big part of my spiritual curriculum is learning to transcend and transmute childhood patterning, especially the belief that I have to do everything myself.
I believed that I would be treated with respect and fairness by these individuals yesterday. I ignored the warning from my worried Inner Child: you’d better double-check on this. And, wait a minute, I don’t like how this person is treating me.
I purposely did not heed alarm bells that I assumed were prompted by old patterning. I told myself that I had confirmed and double-checked already, and had turned the situation over to my spiritual team. I told myself to be confident that everything was the way it was supposed to be and was working out perfectly…even if reality showed the opposite.
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I’m feeling a bit like a cartoon character who has been duped, yet again. Wile E. Coyote being bested by the Road Runner, or Charlie Brown falling for Lucy‘s football trick.
I wonder, at what point is crappy behavior just crappy behavior, and nothing really to do with us? I suspect that some people aren’t capable of consistent trustworthiness, a character quirk I was aware of with one of the people yesterday.
Or perhaps it isn’t random for the other person. Perhaps my severing connections would be a lesson on their curriculum. But again, it’s nothing to do with me personally, if that is the case.
I would sincerely like to opt out of helping other people to recognize their untrustworthiness and non-supportive behavior. Universe, if you’re listening, let somebody else be the teacher next time.
And I will take the events from yesterday, not as a message that I’m supposed to trust more, but that it isn’t wise to throw discernment out the window in the name of nobly suffering to “learn lessons.“ My Inner Child isn’t stupid, and I ignore internal alarm bells at my own peril.