Not….
We know that our incompletions are being raised at this time. Mine are up big time.
Just as I did at Porteau Cove maybe forty years ago, I look around for a safe haven from the discordant flood of feelings.
At Porteau Cove campsite, near Vancouver, there was so much external noise around me that I went into our tent to meditate.
And I noticed one place where there was no noise. I zeroed in on it with my inner radar and it proved to be the center of my being.
Focusing on that center, I did what I can only describe as a “backflip” in consciousness and ended up “above the line” between unconscious and conscious awareness, we would have said in the est Network at the time. That occurrence was a complete surprise to me.
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Now here I am, with inner noise oppressing me rather than outer, and again I look for safe haven.
When I do, I find myself in a divine state of peace. When I trace it back I see it originates in the heart, the center as well.
***
Nowadays ending up with peace spreading throughout my being is much easier than it was, say, a year ago. This greater ease is new, noted, and welcome.
I feel into peace and, as usual, it spreads.
How do we know the difference between a peaceful feeling and a divine state like peace? A feeling is located in a specific part of the body – the stomach, the head, the heart.
But a divine state like peace envelops us, immerses us in itself, overtakes us. A feeling is in us; we are in a divine state.
If it really is peace, then all uncomfortable feelings disappear like smoke. Less than peace and they don’t.
Therefore, if the state of consciousness does not erase my negative feelings, for me, it’s not a divine state.
Peace erases from my mind, not thoughts, but negative feelings, the backdrop to thoughts. It extinguishes the engine, the motivator behind thoughts and actions – our feelings. Which explains why we come to rest in peace.
***
I feel the way I do when I open a new document, blank sheet, ready to go. I feel restored.
We already know that a divine state needs to be “known,” recognized, acknowledged for it to blossom in us (albeit it still only blossoms temporarily).
I once saw a peaceful face at an imaginary railway station I passed in meditation. I was struck by it, but it wasn’t until I said, “That was peace,” that peace left him and filled me up. Asserted itself. Became the substratum in which I then moved and found myself. (1) But I had to recognize/acknowledge it first.
I breathe in peace. As I do so, I feel two streamers, to use Matthew’s term, of negative feelings that are holding me back, one related to a mess I created yesterday which I need to clean up.
And the other related to this inexplicable vein of generalized anger that’s arising in me for no apparent reason.
I recognize both and the hold they have on peace lifts.
Just to be clear: on the first one, I resolved to clean up the mess and am actively at work at it and, probably for that reason, the hold on peace lifted.
And, on the second, we all know that inexplicable veins of this and that will be arising as the increasing energies drive up all our incompletions – to be completed and let go of. But I still have to remind myself.
***
In my case, I have to drive a stake into the ground and plant a flag here. Anger will prove to be my fatal flaw a la Hitler (2) if I don’t get on top of it before I become a humanitarian philanthropist and CEO.
Anger, lust, and greed undo more good efforts. And coming suddenly into remarkable wealth magnifies their impact.
On two occasions I’ve experienced my ego running wild (in meditation). I know its force when stoked and released. (3) Money will add the belief that now I don’t have to worry about offending anyone. Screw’em all. It’s going to take work to see that the ego doesn’t run wild.
If I’m to succeed at what’s being asked of me, I have to take the corrosive effect of anger, lust, and greed ten times more seriously than the average person.
I’m already committed to the divine qualities but I need to root out as well the not-so-divine qualities, born of early-childhood trauma.
Footnotes
(1) “First Glimpse of the Natural Self,” February 21, 2017, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2017/02/21/first-glimpse-natural-self/
(2) I watched a biography of Hitler [some time ago] by French historians. One comment stayed with me. Historian Guillaume Pretty said:
“I’d say that Hitler was a man trying to gamble and that, at the start, the fact that he neglects the whole dimension of strategic tactics, the type of ground logistical problems, all of these oversights don’t catch up with Hitler the war lord.
“And then, one day, all of these conditions for war, which should allow a war leader to grow, catch up with him, and from then on, all his bets systematically fail.” (Guillaume Pretty, “1942: The Year The Germans Lost The War | Hitler’s Lost Battles,” Timeline, at [youtube.com/watch?v=BuBIpe0f91w], in “Finding Blame is like Making War on a Person,” May 29, 2022, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2022/05/29/finding-blame-is-making-war-on-a-person/.) [My emphasis.]
(3) I scared my wife to death when my ego suddenly and out of nowhere flared up for a moment. For my part, I was looking at the ego. For her part, apparently, she saw my face become it. I didn’t see what she saw but her description fit of what she saw fit pretty closely.