(Concluded from. Part 1, yesterday.)
I’m savoring this space of total freedom. It’s just ordinary. It’s just normal. It’s simply the absence of fear. (1) Everything is so simple viewed from this space.
I know “normal” has a bad rap these days. But “normal” as in grounded, balanced, and peaceful is exactly the way I feel.
I have this fantasy image in my mind’s eye of me entering Rome in a triumphal procession and everyone throwing flowers and shouting, “Yay! He’s normal!”
The sense of completion I feel and the rise of normality bring with them a leaving of my life as a drama, set in motion by my Dad’s violence when I was very young. With that chapter closed, I return to a normal life. (2)
Ecstacy was a high enough state that it lifted me out of my problems, issues, resentments, pessimism, egotism, seriousness and all the rest. But I don’t mean “lifted” me for the moment as with bliss, but lifted me conclusively. That chapter feels closed to me now.
I immediately recall Mary Magdalene saying “love with abandon!” and I now know precisely what she meant. (3)
I would never have found the way out if left to my own devices, not at a Fourth-Dimensional level.
The other occasion on which I experienced ecstacy was in 2015 and that was for a brief time. This time I come to it with questions, rather than just wonderment.
If I were not in ecstacy and someone suggested I experience a space of complete abandon, like delirious happiness, my insides, afraid of the ire of the ego, would immediately shut down any possibility of such an experience. No way. Not for me. I need to stand on guard. (4)
But, when already in ecstacy … well, first of all the ego hightails it so as not to get fired. But second of all, considerations of any kind fly out the window; they dissolve like the mist before it.
I can now add ecstacy to the divine states that are dissolutive (my word). Love, bliss, and peace also dissolve our Fourth-Dimensional concerns.
Can I think of a divine state that doesn’t sweep away our concerns? No, I can’t.
My working hypothesis is that entry into any of the higher dimensions – and with it entry into the divine states – will see the dissolution of our concerns and considerations. Now to test it out.
So how do I feel?
On the one hand, I’ve just taken a bath in the Ganges and I feel happier than I ever have.
On the other hand, my clothes await me on the shore. My ego seems ready to spring as soon as I settle down.
But, for as long as it lasts, this freedom from all concerns, which feels so insanely peaceful and normal, is the answer to my prayers.
I didn’t get to let go entirely and just dissolve in it. I need to remain grounded and expect my experience to have been moderated. But what a ride it’s been, even so!
Enough note-taking and commentary. Time to go outside and enjoy the experience! What a blessed relief!
(1) When I say “It’s,” I’m being colloquial. I don’t mean to infer that ecstacy is reducible to an absence of fear. But if I let myself fully experience ecstacy – and could – I’m sure I’d be deliriously happy.
(2) The unfortunate treatment started in the crib. I had excema as an infant and my parents tied me to the sides of the crib to prevent me from scratching. They wheeled me into the kitchen, there to let me scream until I fell asleep. I have very distinct memories of those days. I know the clock that was on the wall (a Felix the Cat clock). I can see the car lights going past, which I thought were ghosts. And I’m cold because I’ve kicked off my blankets in protest.
I don’t actually recall a time when I felt as normal as I feel right now.
(3) “Do you realize that this tool of Love can be wielded with utter power and abandon, knowing that with every swipe of it, you become more whole, more entrenched in your divine nature — more whole within all your aspects, and more capable of absorbing and integrating all parts and aspects of you, multidimensionally, as well as with all aspects of Christ Consciousness/God Consciousness?” (“Mary Magdalene: You Are Pure Divine Love,” channeled by Fran Zepeda, February 1, 2015, at https://franheal.wordpress.com/2015/02/01/mary-magdalene-you-are-pure-divine-love-channeled-by-fran-zepeda/)
(4) My Dad was the trigger for my guardedness but behind him, I’m pretty sure, was the past-life residue from a life as a military commander. Dad only awakened dormant memories, I now think, looking back from a place of normality.