Speaking of “from the bottom of my heart,” I’d like to thank everyone who wrote in with loving messages while I was in hospital – from the bottom of mine. I was deeply touched.
Now for something completely different….
Do we ever think about the derivation of common phrases, such as “from the bottom of my heart?”
I actually ended up going to the bottom of my heart on Sept. 18, 2018. What I found there astounded me.
I hadn’t intended to take that fantastic voyage. I originally set out to discover what the origin of the vasana was that had so unhinged me when I watched a video that contained images of pedophilia … OK, child sacrifice … during five days at Xenia Retreat Center on Bowen Island, BC.
I ended up going far deeper than even the level of experience vasanas are associated with and kept on going.
I finally entered a tunnel that went deeper still until I ended up at the end of it … in the presence of the Self, the Child of God.
The sight of the Self should have been brighter than a thousand suns. Instead it was translucent.
I asked the Divine Mother in a subsequent reading whether it had been toned down:
Steve: The experience at Xenia, Mother, was that truncated?
Divine Mother: Slightly, yes.
Steve: I had the thought [it was]. … The Light I saw should have been brighter than a thousand suns. The fact that it wasn’t suggests to me that the experience was truncated. …
DM: It was not is brilliant as possible, let us put it that way.
Steve: Alright… And again, the reason is to keep me in sync with my readers?
DM: It is to keep you in sync with your readers… But let me be very clear about that. If you had seen the light as it actually is, yes, [brighter than] a million, billion suns… You would have simply departed. …
We don’t mean die but you would have departed the life that you have designed – yes, with us, for yourself, for the service you are providing – you would have departed and simply said, “I do not need to do this. I will just simply sit in the bliss of love and good luck, everybody!” (1)
I agree with her that I’d have left for the Himalayas, shedding my belongings along the way.
Overwhelmingly what I did experience was a feeling of innocence and purity. I saw that who I am at essence – and who we all are – was innocent and pure. That entirely erased from me the unconscious belief that I was really a bad person underneath it all.
You’ve heard people say, “he revealed his true colors” or “he showed his true nature” and usually they mean something evil and wicked deep down inside.
But I now had the proof I needed that that view was inaccurate. The “badness” is superficial. The level of vasanas is, to coin a phrase, skin-deep.
We are at essence, I now knew for a certainty, innocent and pure.
I’m like a pregnant woman now. I know that I carry in my womb – the bottom of my heart – the unborn Child of God.
When I hear the phrase “from the bottom of my heart,” I now know that it really means something. It points to the womb of enlightenment, promise, and hope.
It points to the place where my higher essence nestles, awaiting its birth in my realization and the coming of all goodness and grace.
(1) The Divine Mother in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, Oct. 26, 2018.