I remember hearing Ram Dass long ago say that truth used to be a luxury, but now it had become a necessity.
There are lots of things that used to be luxuries which have become necessities. I saw one today.
I was doing something for another and I saw I was doing it with an ulterior motive. I had a hidden agenda.
What do we do when we see that? (1) Forget about it. (2) Feel bad and still forget about it. (3) Address it.
Both (1) and (2) occur in unconscious awareness. We get no higher than our thoughts and feelings, but we don’t reach the actor, the soul, the Self. That we only do in conscious awareness.
If we’re to (3) address it, there has to be someone present and willing to do that. The persona who forgets about it is not willing; the persona who feels bad and still forgets about it is not. The one who’s willing is not a persona at all. Its presence is a created act as a result of us taking a stand. Its presence results in conscious awareness. Its presence is the first tenuous, shadowy appearance of the Self.
Before I go further, I need to make an aside. In the growth movement, it was viewed as an accomplishment to be able to call ourselves on our own stuff.
Calling ourselves used to be a luxury, but I now see it rapidly becoming a necessity.
I’m in a position in my life where I’m more and more having to make tough decisions and to make them entirely on my own. I can no longer turn to this person or that and air my woes. I can no longer fish for sympathy or ask to have this cup taken from me. I’m “it.”
Some months ago I saw that I was the one who had to take care of me. Now I’m also seeing that I’m the one who has to call myself on my stuff. And I’d better do it way ahead of everybody else if things are to move forward. Otherwise I’ll be perennially putting out brush fires instead of self-correcting and avoiding brush fires.
It’s ten times more effective to call myself on my own stuff than wait for others to do it. If people see that we’re not willing to do so, but require them to call us, resentment builds.
Taking care of me and calling myself on my stuff cannot be done from a place of unconscious awareness. The minute I do either, I push myself into conscious awareness, not quite propel myself, but make it uncomfortable to do otherwise.
In the situation at hand, I called myself on my ulterior motives and hidden agenda. I asked myself what was fair to do no matter what and determined to do that.
The rise of the person willing to take responsibility for myself at this level carries with it another price in loneliness. (1) I realized that, once one determines to lead, one gives up the luxury of complaining and playing poor me. One gives up the luxury of getting others to rescue one or shelter one. When we lead, by definition, there’s no one out in front of us. Now we’re “it.”
Engaging in complaining and asking to be rescued can be socially engaging and can result in the trading of strokes. (2) But the leader has to give these up, in the end and it can add to isolation and loneliness.
What was it Paul said? When I became a man, I had to put aside childish things?
Years ago we discussed being monarchs in our own domain. (3) The realization, appreciation, and actualization of that state of being just grows and grows.
(1) We’ve discussed the loneliness of the long-distance lightworker here: “The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Lightworker,” June 8, 2015, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2015/06/08/the-loneliness-of-the-long-distance-lightworker/. This is the loneliness of the lightworker leader.
(2) By strokes I mean gestures laden with concern and love, which are received and leave the receiving person feeling happy and full.
(3) See “Monarchs in Our Own Domain,” Aug. 5, 2014, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2014/08/05/monarchs-in-our-own-domain/ and “Everyone Their Own King or Queen,” June 24, 2015, at https://goldenageofgaia.com/2015/06/24/everyone-a-king-or-queen/.