And as I do so, I come across some really wonderful material. I’d like to share one set of notes in particular from a growth workshop I did back in March 1985.
Because they’re my notes rather than a verbatim record, I won’t share the name of the workshop or the leader. The kind of inquiries we did in this group still live with me and are really all that’s important.
One workshop leader once said of my note-taking that I had an enlightened notebook. I have to reply, from the vantage of thirty years later, that I’m profoundly glad I took notes, even if all that were all it produced! This record of that exploration has the potential to assist others.
There are some wonderful distinctions here. Some may resonate with you; some not. Take what you like and leave the rest.
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The “I” you are is an object in the thoughts you have. That “I” thinks you. That “I” shows up as an identity.
Who you are from an ontological perspective is “being,” as distinct from who you are as a historical being. Ontology is a discussion of the realm of being, the Self as being.
Who are you in the matter of the thoughts that think you vs. who are you in the matter of (1) really thinking, (2) I am, or (3) being? In the thoughts you have, you show up as “I want,” “I think,” “I feel.” You show up as identity. Your thoughts think you. You don’t think.
The thing that’s living your life is an interpretation. It’s living you and every two or three years, you pop out. You live into the past, into concept from experience.
People have been saying here: “When I’m really thinking, I’m not here.” The “it” [identity] is not up to real thinking. It’s up to “kill off any real thinking that even begins to show up.”
The “I” that’s identity lives at the effect of a suppressed “because.” It lives in an effect-effect-effect universe. The “I” that shows up in “I think,” “I feel” only shows up on the “having thoughts” side.
Her act [a Forum participant] is that she’s a nice person. She is that she is a viper. Look at your interpretation. You want to cut underneath your act.
His act is that he’s different. His interpretation is that he’s afraid he’s the same. Something’s thinking you. Something’s living you. What’s your interpretation using your life for?
You came here for what you don’t know. And we’re operating around “don’t know about don’t know.” The reason you came here is not the purpose you serve by being here.
Who you are that you are [your interpretation] is not who you are. The “it” is the being of human being, which was here when you got here, and you showed up in it a certain way.
No amount of being sincere can make you sincere if it sits atop “I am that I am insincere.”
The opening we create here will not reduce the risk that life is. That’s not the plan here. The plan is to empower you in the face of the risk that life is.
Do you understand that there’s no juice, no satisfaction in his [Forum participant’s] caring for people? Because there’s no freedom in it, no choice.
There’s no problem with how you’re showing up in life or how life is using you. The only question is: how satisfied are you?
How you are in life is an ironclad justification for not participating. All of this stuff is a a way of avoiding the domination of your own commitment.
Some of you enroll in the [X] Project and get half the job done. Your racket is there to avoid having to come through on your own commitment. When you’re asked to produce the results, you pull up your racket.
The survival of life is killing aliveness. The being of human being kills aliveness in the business of surviving life. You want to get the irony of it.
What you want to have sink in deeply is that you’ve given your life to the way that’s using you. You’re either going to get used up by something that’s using you or your going to bring forth something to use you up by. There ain’t no not getting used up. Everyone’s going to die.
[Speaking to a participant:] Last year, you created something that’s using you up by something you didn’t create. Now you’re definitely at the effect of your creation.
Use [this workshop] to empower yourself in the face of the risk that life is rather than to reduce the risk.
The world is a “shows up” phenomenon and we lie about it as an “is” phenomenon. There’s a payoff in living life that way and we conveniently forget what the payoff is.
Be aware that it might not have a happy ending. You are positioned accurately on the game board right now. Maybe Mom was wrong. Maybe there won’t be a happy ending.
It’s useful to get an accurate world-to-word fit.
Buses show up as an “is” even though they’re an illusion. Illusions are solid, persistent, and will knock you on your butt.
We made the mind the boogie man and then we killed the mind off. But you’re never not going to be your mind. What was produced was a lot of high-toned inauthenticity.
“I am” points to the possibility of being. “That I am” is where you’ve located your identity and the source of mischief. “I” is a clearing for “I am” as a non-positional entity.
If you’re in your relationship as an identity, then you’re either winning and they’re losing or you’re losing and they’re winning.
Expect it to be uneasy. And it’s possible to have that as something one includes.
It isn’t about not being your identity. It’s about being able to be your stand and to come from being, creating, and see your life as whatever shows up.
Life is trivial acts and anyone who’s ever taken on anything big has had that dark night of the soul when you’re never really sure that what you’re up to is really what you’re up to.
She [the black woman, God] didn’t say “Let there be dark!” She said, “Let there be light!’
A distinction is a clearing, a space for something to show up as. You can make a distinction between love and affection so that there is a clearing for love to show up as love and affection as affection.
A stand, declaration and commitment are all either brothers and sisters or cousins. A declaration is something that’s so on your say-so, not as a function of evidence.
This workshop is about living rather than handling barriers. Breakdowns are only going to happen when you’ve got something at stake, not in an uncommitted space. They’re a function of your commitment, not of circumstances.
Relationship is a comprehending or an appreciation of another’s way of being. Another part of relationship is actually being in communication.
Enlightenment cannot be expressed except into relationship. Transformation lives in our relationship together. It’s a social and not an individual phenomenon.
Whatever we get from this will be a memory an instant later. But the way to have this live is to be in the inquiry with other people. Where it gets socked is where you’re not in relationship or communication.
A lot of people justify holding onto a withhold by saying that Aunt Agnes would die if they shared it. That’s part of the structure of their withhold. Withholds preserve your identity in the eyes of those you withhold from.
The people who have no incompletions are the people in the chair next to you who are invisible. They’re just white light. We have some trouble with them, figuring out where to put their name tag. Everybody else has some incompletions.
If you get clear about the cost [of the incompletion], you’ll see how expensive it is and you’ll complete it. Completion: full, whole, complete.
Satisfaction is a function of completion. What’s going to be powerful about tomorrow and the time after [this workshop] is not remembering it.