One of my tasks is to go through Ascension publicly to provide others with a comparison point or at least a view of the changes happening to one person as a result of the uplifting energies we’re all experiencing.
One change may take a little explaining, by way of background.
When my Dad shouted at me from just an inch or two from my face when I was somewhere around 7 or 8, I shattered into a million pieces.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I dissociated. The predominant result was that I had no solidity, no firm ground to stand on and hence no confidence.
An interesting sidenote was that Archangel Michael revealed to Kathleen that the rough treatment I’d gotten was not in the original plan. Michael said:
“What happened in his early childhood was tragic and it was not the original plan. This one has not been on Earth all that many times and so for him to come and experience such harshness was not really the plan but what happened – you see, this is where plans adjust and so – that experience has been put to very good use.” (1)
So this is an example of something that departs from the soul contract and the way in which the departure is folded into events.
What good use has it been put to? The Arcturians explained one:
“You chose the childhood that you chose to deeply experience that darkness so that you, a child in your environment, can tell long before an eruption of darkness that it’s time to run and hide.
“So you’ve been trained since childhood to hear the faintest whisper of darkness.” (2)
I interpreted my weak will as being a result of fear. But it was a result of the dissociation.
I didn’t learn that I was dissociated until I was 40, in 1986. At that time, my then girfriend said to me that I had the profile of an abused child.
At that remark, the two dissociated facets of my personality leapt forward and both said “Yes!”
They noticed each other for the first time and both said to the other: “Who are you?”
One side of my personality was the public side and one the private. When I was alone by myself, the private side would emerge. It was bitter, resentful, guarded, critical, skeptical, etc.
The other was the public side and it was helpful, happy, gung ho, ungrounded, prone to mood swings, etc.
They’d finally met. And when they did there was an explosion of rage.
I remember being so angry at my Dad that I phoned him on the spot and was going to yell at him (payback time?), but his girlfriend prevented me from speaking to him. Which was pretty fortunate.
There followed two or three weeks of being an erupting volcano, anger spewing out of me. And finally I settled down.
I was now aware of the two sides of me but it would be another twenty years before I was to fuse the two back together again.
I called myself the Humpty Dumpty Man after I knew what had happened. I did twenty-three Enlightenment Intensives to try to heal the breach and nothing worked.
I’m sure a lot of the debris got cleared away but still no one could put Humpty together again.
And then one day in around 2006, I was talking to my brother, Paul, who is a family therapist, after having just about gotten into a car accident because of a totally-reckless attitude, that we traced it back to things with Dad. My brother let me wax white hot in my screams and protests.
And in that moment, I fused again. I was 57 years old.
My wife had always said I had a scared wolf look on my face and I can imagine that. The private side was aggressive; the public side was scared of offending.
This split focus prevented any sense of groundedness, solidity, substantiality, and, most of all, confidence.
I now had a little patch of ground under my feet that I could stand on.
By 2009, I was fighting the cabal through journalism and my confidence continued to expand.
But now, in the waves of the Tsunami of Love, numerous spiritual experiences, a heart opening, the arrival of the General and everything else that’s happened, I feel a new sense that’s entirely foreign to me and I’ll try my best to describe it.
First of all, there’s the absence of anything self-accusatory, self-blaming. All that constant comment, judging myself, has gone.
Secondly, There’s a palpable sense of confidence. What does that feel like? Well, it feels like a deep and heartfelt “Yes!”
When AAM tells me I’m going to be opening six organizations, still writing for the blog and then getting ready for the main event, which is liaising with the galactics and explaining matters they discuss to terrestrials, I no longer “look” at him with saucer-like eyes of disbelief. I take the matter in stride.
That for me is practically unheard of. No, I need to underscore that. In earlier times, that for me would have turned my feet to water and resulted in me deliberately sabotaging things.
So you can imagine how pleased I am to see this rise of a definite “New You” – or “New Me.”
Even stranger is that I feel no need to draw a line and say “That’s enough.” Rather how I feel is “Bring it on.”
When I take a deep breath in, there’s none of the shuddering and shaking I used to feel. There’s no drag on the inbreath and no resistance. My breath is smooth and much more powerful than before.
I neither feel as aggressive as I felt for most of my life nor as submissive. I’m neither impelled to action nor averse to acting. I can find and occupy the middle ground, which again was almost unheard of for me.
I feel ready for what comes next. It’s been a long, long journey of recovery but the stage I’ve reached so far is rewarding enough that, were everything to stop here, I’d still feel equipped to make my contribution, without any sense of apprehension.
(1) Archangel Michael through Linda Dillon in a personal reading with Kathleen, April 2, 2014.
(2) The Arcturians through Sue Lie in a personal reading, July 22, 2014.