The Process of Dawning Awareness and Progressive Realization
What I want to do here is describe the process of dawning awareness and progressive realization that I went though to reach the heart and escape from the constructed self (only temporarily, alas) by healing a split in me.
The process involves raising to awareness one’s own constructed self and then “realizing” what one sees. And I’m illustrating how that realization just keeps expanding and expanding, if we allow it.
It’s a process that we may have to repeat and repeat into infinity if we’re to continue growing so perhaps make a bookmark here.
What brought all the realizations about was my intent to connect with my heart, my Self.
I’m going to zero in on only one moment in the two or three days that I processed this one. The realizations as a whole are discussed in the final part of this series.
That moment was a deep meditation I went into two or three nights ago, which went on for an hour or two.
It required me to drop a pattern I’ve had all my life and that is to pooh-pooh the imagination. (You notice I write non-fiction?)
In Suzanne Lie’s Multidmensional Leadership webinar the other day, the Arcturians said: “Imagination is Fifth-Dimensional Thinking.” I see that now.
So I used my imagination freely and that lies at the heart of this process.
Not only that, but I accepted as tentatively real anything that resulted from this exercise of imagination. I allowed it and I allowed the expansion in myself that resulted from it.
I might point out that, the deeper I went, the more downloads were triggered, exploding like mines.
That leads me to believe that the downloads we’ve received through channeled messages and the Tsunami of Love are triggered to go off as we reach deeper and deeper levels of vibration, or, if you prefer, higher and higher levels.
I don’t use the image of going higher and higher because that takes us into a world we consider unknown. And entering “unknown” territory can make us uncertain, afraid and resistant.
Instead I chose to go deeper and deeper because that is “known” territory. Everything revealed I knew to be a part of myself, instead of something outside of myself. It was comforting to always feel myself as present, even if I was exposing deeper and deeper layers of it.
Using My Imagination to Connect with the Heart
In meditation, I imagined myself first tying a lead weight to my feet and dropping down to the bottom of the ocean of love. Deeper and deeper and deeper I went.
When I reached the bottom I entered a small underwater spaceship and began a fantastic voyage, through a plaque-filled artery (leftover vasanas and core issues) that led to the heart. Having watched a movie on Hannibal recently, I imagined Hannibal was steering it.
Eventually I reached the heart and it opened. Knowing that Sahaja Samadhi was a permanent heart opening, I constructed a perpetual opening and permanent connection to the heart out of imaginary concrete and I fastened the imaginary and now-cleansed artery to it.
I felt the presence of the Self and imagined myself reaching out to It and the Self reaching out to me. We connected and some time later I went further and imagined myself merging with It.
I’m not saying that that merging was more than it was. It was not enlightenment. It was a guided meditation.
Seeing that I’d been able, if only in imagination, to create a perpetual opening and permanent connection to my Self, I continued the experiment. I connected to my higher-dimensional self. I connected to the aspects of myself that make up this composite being that I am.
I connected to all my past lives as well, to my twin flame and my guides. And I tasked each of them with each perpetually bringing me one divine quality: love, wisdom, leadership, power, reasoning, piety, knowledge, integrity, bravery, and magnificence. I imagined these divine qualities perpetually flowing into me and out from me into the world.
At this point in the meditation, I noticed that I was watching my constructed self, poor bloke. I realized that someone else was watching him. And it dawned on me that that someone else was Me and that I was the Self. Who else could be watching the constructed self? Who else lives outside of it? Only Me.
This was also the realization that Eckhart Tolle had: when he said to himself that he couldn’t stand himself. Who was the self he couldn’t stand and who could not stand himself? Were there two or just one?
“I cannot live with myself.{” This was the thought that kept repeating itself in my mind. Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar thought that was. ‘Am I one or two? If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: the “I” and the “self” that I cannot live with. ‘Maybe,’ I thought, ‘only one of them is real.'” (1)
My realization was not enlightenment and Eckhart’s was. Both were realizations but his was strong enough to propel him into enlightenment and mine was not. So please don’t think that I’m comparing myself to Eckhart or say that I said I was enlightened. I’m not doing either.
Nevertheless – bingo!
I was propelled out of the constructed self and spent a day in a heightened experience of myself, outside the stimulus/response machine I was.
And then it too disappeared. Back into the ether. Premonitory glimpse. I had to go back to the india-rubber body, so to speak. Back to my ordinary, dumbed-down condition that we all inhabit.
No, I don’t want to go there! Please don’t send me back to my 3D body and mind!
But it did have an effect. The connection to my Self was wonderful and then it too disappeared. All experiences short of Sahaja Samadhi are temporary.
I went around for a day in the bliss that I am. Oh my Gawd! First I’m in doo doo. Then I’m in clover.
Previously what I saw existed as intellectual knowledge, predominantly hearsay, and now it was up to experiential knowledge.
In that space I could see my act clearly. I could see that I had two sides to my personality and that neither side was Me.
The constructed self is not who I am. I am the Self. I am back in the constructed self again today but I now know, experientially, that it’s not who I am.
(To be concluded tomorrow)
Footnotes
(1) Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now. A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. Vancouver: Namaste, 1997, 1.