Credit: Dreamtime
I’m feeling an unshakeable depression right now. Being an awareness writer, that becomes next on my writing agenda. I write about what’s right here in front of me. No pretty pictures.
The temptation is to attribute it to finances or something about myself. On finances, I talked with Michael yesterday, grace of Linda, and he reassured me that it was “a walk of trust.”
“It is a walk of trust, and you know, my beloved friend, that you have been doing this walk of trust for a long time.” (1)
Now it gets complicated. I’m not supposed to be rushing up an enlightenment ladder. And I’m not supposed to ascend (permanently) before others. Going on ahead would defeat the purpose of going up with everyone else. Everyone else is already ascended as well, by the way, or you wouldn’t be here helping others and Gaia to ascend. (2) That makes sense, right?
I’ve already had Brahmajnana, but the experience was toned down so that I’d keep both feet on the ground, Michael said. It may be the same for you if you’re a lightworker. Soul contract first; enlightenment later.
Or we’d all wander away.
Back to my depression. I’m going to handle it as a core issue or vasana. (3) Ramana Maharshi defined a vasana as a latent tendency. (4) A habit, a pattern of reaction which is latent (quiet) until triggered. Then all hell can break loose. We all have them.
I’ll simply “be with” the experience of depression until it reveals some aspect of itself or myself that tells me what it’s all about. The truth will set me free. When I know what it’s all about, I consider that I’ll feel release.
Later….
The first thing I got is that I fear failure. And I fear failure because of the lack of confidence I found myself left in after my Father’s seemingly-constant criticism and the personality shattering I went through at age seven. (5)
He was in the WW2 merchant marine. He was a fireman and would have been the first to go in a torpedo attack. He did not tolerate imprecision, hesitancy, or failure.
OMG. There it is.
Now I DO feel release.
I’m counselling myself now: Steve, don’t go back into the upset, even though you’re a writer. That’ll reactivate it before it has well and truly left. Keep being an opening.
Getting it so quickly is not a regular, normal thing. It suggests that the lovelight energies are truly rising.
This core issue or vasana put limits on what I could do and how far I could go in service to … anything, really. I don’t want there to be limits.
I also take comfort from knowing that, once a vasana has left, we’re left with the skills. I still value precision, substantiality, and success … in my own writings.
(I don’t want to make a firm decision while in or recovering from a vasana. Just let it be. And I don’t want to force any decision I do make on others.)
You’ve seen me work away at this vasana over the years – father hatred.
It lifted when I saw the value in it. It awakened the martial spirit in me and I’ve needed that willingness to engage and protect over the last decade. I needed it to listen to refugee claims. And I need it now, when the world stands on the brink of chaos, the storm before the calm.
And of course all this turmoil was meant to happen so that we’d have a few guides (Gabor Mate and Eckhart Tolle are two among many) on emerging from residual issues and upsets. We’ll need it for what lies ahead.
Footnotes
(1) Archangel Michael in a personal reading with Steve Beckow through Linda Dillon, Feb. 3, 2026.
(2) See An Explosion in the Meaning of Humanness at
(2) See Vasanas: Preparing For Ascension by Clearing Old Issues at https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/Vasanas-Preparing-for-Ascension-R16.pdf
(3) Only one who is free from all the latent tendencies (vasanas) is a Sage. (Sri Ramana Maharshi, Spiritual Instruction of Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi. Eighth Edition. Tiruvannamalai: Sri Ramanasramam, 1974, Chapter 2, Question 26.
(4) My father yelled at me from a few inches in front of my face, causing my personality to shatter. It took fifty years to heal that original wound (dissociation).