As an aside, I want to acknowledge how many others are suffering from some malady right now. I hear it from so many people. We seem to be pushing through immense karma or adjusting to the higher vibrations or something. Unfortunately I have no insight into energetic processes.
As an awareness writer, I can really only write about what’s right here in front of me. That’s the agreement on the awareness path: Remain aware of yourself and share what you notice.
So right now, what I notice is a skin rash. No, I’m not about to discuss the medical details, but what it brings up, the lessons I learn, etc.
What I’m noticing at this moment, as I convalesce, is layers of the mind.
I predict we’ll go through a number of layers before reaching a relaxed “me.”
I went through a transition zone between “hard at work” and “too sick to work.” I think of these as two layers.
“Hard at work” and I keep pounding along, moving from this subject to that, responding to inspiration. I have a schedule and priorities and I push through whatever difficulties arise. This is a “work” layer.
This layer follows a routine and produces results. It was revealed as a layer when I crossed the boundary between it and what I called “booking off sick.”
The minute I crossed the boundary into the territory “too sick to work” and turned off my laptop, a wave of fatigue, that I imagine I’d been holding back, swept over me and I slept for a remarkable four hours in the afternoon. Right away, out like a light.
But the tightly-scheduled me wasn’t finished yet, by merely being in this mental layer. The next day I made for my swivel chair automatically … before I stopped and asked myself, what was I doing? I’m sick. I’m not expected to work.
Even though sick, I was still heading for my desk, checking email as I went for anything vital or important, text messages, Skype, etc., I didn’t pass through the work layer quickly or completely.
I entered the next layer when I discovered that the reason I write is that I like writing. The enjoyment had been buried in writing-as-work. Now I no longer felt the victim of my experienced “need” to write. I’m playing and having fun. While following my medical routine.
Oh, look. Now love arises. Wouldn’t you know it. The truth will set you free.
I consider this a third layer and this is the relaxed “me.” I didn’t think I’d reach it this quickly.
Just by moving from being a victim of my writing to being at creation with it, I entered this third layer of the mind, friendly to love.
I’m not the victim. I’m the creator. And it’s what I love to do.
Well, love changes everything. Now I’m only here, enjoying this love, and doing whatever I need to do next.
Love transforms all. I don’t need a prescription for it. And I’m not restricted to experiencing it twice daily.
My awareness of issues dissolves. My awareness of anything other than love dissolves.
Michael told me in the reading I had to love my body. I breathe love up from my heart and wrap my body in it. That to me is what is meant by “loving yourself.”