October 28, 2023
Something there is that loves / an arrow… ~ Philip Jenks, November
Way back at the beginning of my “hip pain” journey, a healer alerted me to the spiritual wisdom that one must address underlying emotional / spiritual / karmic causes of dis-ease before one can cure physical disorders attributed to said nonphysical issues. After all, the nonphysical problem existed long before it showed up as pain or dis-ease.
I was just beginning to learn about such things, and that sounded reasonable to me. So instead of investigating healing from a rational, the-body-needs-treatment perspective (and possibly thereby foregoing the last five or six years of pain), I’ve sporadically worked at correcting the childhood patterning and non-beneficial belief systems that apparently wound up manifesting as a literal pain in the tush.
I was told I needed to learn to receive support, to nurture the inner child, to do shadow work, and so on ad infinitum, before correction of physical problems could occur. (At least, that is my recollection of the messages I’ve received over the last seven years of spiritual and emotional exploration. Whether I misremembered or misinterpreted those messages is another matter.)
I reckon my error, my failure of discernment, was that I assumed accomplishing all this work, even imperfectly, would lead to—ta dah!—no more pain.
I must’ve missed the footnote that said, Actually, being best buds with your inner child isn’t going to put the bone back into your hip socket or eliminate the multitudinous chronic, intractable pain points created by the surrounding inflammation.
I also missed the footnote that said, Not every physical problem, for every person, can be remedied through spiritual or energetic work. At this time on Planet Earth, it just ain’t possible.
So here I am now, contemplating the hip replacement surgery I should’ve looked into years ago. That’s what I get for naively gliding along on faith without applying discernment to temper it.
I’ll admit it right now, it’s hard not to be bitter. What was I thinking? Where did my common sense go, that I imagined I could completely heal a serious flesh and bone disorder through fervently believing I could (with the help of Spirit, of course)? Or through reciting affirmations or employing other “guaranteed” spiritual / energetic healing modalities? Granted, I was encouraged in that belief during various energetic and channeled consultations. But it’s on me that I kept believing, and believing, long after it was abundantly clear that nothing was budging the pain or correcting the hip joint, and it was getting worse over time, not better.
But affirmations and faith healed Louise Hay! They healed (fill in the blank).
Three cheers for whoever has cured themselves of nasty diseases through energetic or spiritual methods. I seem to have forgotten the truism that we all have individual paths. It must’ve been in the karma for individuals who healed themselves through energetic or spiritual applications, to be completely cured without conventional medical intervention. I never stopped to ask myself, what if experiencing complete healing through energetic / spiritual methods is not your karma?
I have to wonder if my soul is a mistrusting sort of being. Apparently it did not trust me to slow down and do whatever work it wished me to do, so it forced me to slow down via pain. One would think that after a number of years of slowing down and doing significant spiritual work, mostly through writing, the soul would agree to release me from the thrall of pain.
Well, wait…maybe that’s exactly what’s happening now. Any number of medical professionals have mentioned the likelihood that I’d need a hip replacement, going back to 2015. No, no, I would always say. I won’t need that.
In my mind, I was thinking, Reiki or Trans-Scaler Healing or some as-yet-unknown modality is going to fix me right up. It won’t require your knives and anesthetic and nauseating body disfigurement for me to feel better. When I came across the notion of med beds, that was my alternate backup theory. Well, even if energetic healing doesn’t work, the med beds will be here (soon)!
Is it possible there’s a simpler explanation for my refusal to consider surgery, like fear? Certainly. Or perhaps fear took the form of “I’m sure something else will heal me.” The end result is the same.
So here I am, seriously considering fixing the pain via surgery. Does my soul think I’ve graduated from something? Have I finally ticked off an item or two on that secretive karmic checklist? Yep, you’ve suffered enough. You did your work, not perfectly but well enough, and with the right engagement of the heart. You’re clear, you can move on.
I wonder if, in some small way, I’m mirroring the throes of the world? We’ve graduated, we’ve checked off enough items on our karmic checklists and done our global work, maybe not perfectly, but with our hearts engaged. The Oversoul of the Worlds is finally blessing us to move on.
I certainly hope so. In the deepness of my soul and the shining sincerity of my heart, I hope the world is being freed from our many pains and traumas. We are the arrow nocked in the bow. And we are ready to launch into the unimaginable magical realm that awaits us.