In a comment on “Behavior, Not People,” Rosa quotes a passage from
Nancy Rynes, Awakenings from the Light: 12 Life Lessons from a Near Death Experience Kindle edition on Amazon.com.
Nancy: I do have compassion for them [those behaving evilly] in: how they were raised; their family and culture of origin; irrational fears inherited from parents or society; possible personality, mental, or emotional disorders; and any extreme religious or political view they were immersed in from childhood. I have compassion for them misunderstanding the words of whatever spiritual text they follow, or falling victim to a charismatic but ego-driven leader.
But extending compassion to people who hurt others doesn’t mean we need to allow those bullies to continue. Standing up to bullies, or any other form of darkness, is also compassionate – for them and for the people they are victimizing. Sometimes when I confront bullies, it forces them to face their actions, realize they’ve been not-so-kind, and gives them a chance to make changes.
At the very least, in the case of murderers, locking them up and giving them opportunities at rehabilitation is extremely loving and compassionate. They may choose not to face their dark sides or change their destructive behaviors, but we’ve at least given them the chance to do so. And we’re also protecting those who might become future victims.
Let’s not forget that almost every society has allowed or perpetrated horrendous, violent acts against others.
The key is not allowing ourselves to fall into the trap of becoming that which we stand against. [I so agree!]
Be a voice for what you want to see in the world. Be the change you want to see in the world.
Standing up against a bully is compassionate. But standing up against him doesn’t mean that you assault him, degrade him, or do the same things back to him. It could mean saying, “It´s not cool to pick on someone smaller than you,” or taking action that demonstrates, “It´s not cool to use terror to get what you want.”
Being compassionate and loving could mean setting a boundary and not accepting the abusive behavior anymore. It could mean telling a friend that her behavior toward others is abusive and you can’t hang around her anymore if she continues. This may be the wake-up call she needs to take a look at her words and actions. We can do these things gently and with compassion, both in our own lives and on the world stage.
[Thank you, Rosa!]