The Shallow of the Wave

December 28, 2022

It’s that lull time of the holidays, midweek between Christmas and New Year’s. On the grander stage of the world, events transpire. I pay little heed.

My body feels worn out and wanting to rest. After an entire day of rain yesterday, the sun lays golden benediction on the resurgent valerian meadow under the avocado tree. The energizing light and warmth beckon me, but I remain passive to the lure.

I’ve paid the price repeatedly of ignoring the body message to rest. Much as I resent the necessity, I will heed this quietly insistent demand for stillness.

*****

And after all, what is so darned important that it can’t wait? I’m transcribing my session with Dr. Peebles from October and when I open the file, his first words walk me into an altered state:

“My dear, we are wanting to begin today’s session to remind you that what you know to be true in the core of your heart is available to you at any given point in time. All that you need to do is simply attune to it…When you are practicing doing this with what you might call the little things in your life, then it makes it much, much easier to access the heart’s clarity with the big things.”

*****

Attuning to the heart feels beyond my reach at the moment. An incipient depression pokes uncomfortably at my peripheral awareness, holding tranquility at bay. I believe emotions are tangibly-intangible, the body reacting to an energetic wave of emotion and the mind reacting to that. To complicate it more, the mind can also generate emotion, without a single outer influence in sight.

Reading further into Vidya Frazier‘s book, Living Free in 5D: Embodying your Multidimensional Self, I come across the section about dealing with emotions from the slightly removed perspective of the observer. I appreciate this notion. Despite repeated efforts over the years with emotional release work, more emotions keep popping up, generated by my mind and not circumstance. Frankly, I’m just tired of it. 

Setting myself slightly to the side of my “self,” like a photograph blurred by motion when pressing the shutter button, a subtle sense of relief and release immediately occurs. I take a breath and am aware of my breathing, my body, and the wholeness that I am.

That cauldron of emotion is not “me.“ I don’t need to own it, cosset it, croon worried endearments or try to make it feel better.

Simply allowing awareness and distance from malaise by inviting myself to observe, has enabled me to not only climb out of the shallow of the wave, but exit that depressive ocean altogether. Intriguingly, I automatically place my hand on my heart and am aware that now, I can attune to its message. I am reconnecting to something both deeper and immeasurably larger than the experience of emotion by adhering to the observer role and not allowing emotions to batter me.

*****

My throat tightens up. There are other emotions clamoring to be seen or felt. If the body wants to weep, I’m willing to weep. Not allow the weeping to pull me under the waves, but simply experience it and let it naturally dissipate, remaining conscious of the observer role that allows me to be ever aware of and somehow more connected with the realm beyond the smallness my suffering human self can be.

Dr. Peebles, channeled by Natalie Gianelli, NatalieGianelli.com