April 21, 2022, trinityesoterics.com
We realize that adjusting boundaries can seem daunting, especially if they’ve been in an unhealthy pattern for a long time. But healthy boundaries are essential for helping you, and everyone around you, meet their highest potentials. That is exactly why they are coming up for reexamination for so many of you.
We wish for you to know that shifting your boundaries isn’t mean when you are doing it from a conscious place, although people may accuse you of being mean or unfair as you do so. That is simply because they may be fearing change, or because they are invested in things staying the same. Shifting boundaries isn’t about punishment, it is about seeking an overall balance that is fair.
Most people who resist healthy boundaries are trying to avoid stepping into their own authentic power in some way. This is detrimental as that is exactly what you are on the planet to do! You may have noticed that when you have unhealthy boundaries with another there is a lot of blaming each other involved. When you are consumed with what another is doing, you are not putting your focus on your own growth and evolution.
In some cases, you may need to make a big shift in your relationship to stop old patterning. If you have been in a dance of unhealthy boundaries with another for a long time, you may fear this will end your relationship but the reality is your relationship, if it is wildly out of balance, is doomed to fail. Moving into healthier boundaries is exactly what will give your relationship a chance.
In other cases, you may slowly start shifting things in a way that won’t feel as drastic to others. This can start by you simply feeling into your truth before you answer or act. Ask yourself, is this fair and empowering for everyone involved? You can start saying no to others (or yes to yourself!), or start delegating activities to others that they can easily do for themselves, slowly but surely, to start to enact more gradual change. This requires commitment on your part to stay consciously aware and not fall back into old patterns.
Again we remind you that boundaries are there to support fair, empowering connection for everyone involved. That is always a good thing, and your inner wise one always knows where that point is. You may need to be very firm in extreme cases, or you may gently shift things slowly, but no matter how you get there, rest assured your boundaries exist for the highest good of all, because they allow you to use your energy much more consciously and to finally move out of old cycles and patterns into true forward movement.
April 22, 2022
As we close out this week’s series of messages on boundaries, we would like to discuss how to know someone has changed enough to let them back into closer proximity to you.
You may have had to create a firm boundary with someone if their behaviour was inappropriate and unacceptable, and wasn’t changing despite your making your feelings known.
If you have been in an unhealthy dance with another for a long time, suddenly becoming firm and deciding you no longer wish to continue with them can seem like a rude awakening. It can feel like shocking someone awake with a bucket of cold water when they have been in a deep sleep.
Any forced, unexpected change can throw another into what is often referred to as the dark night of the soul. Deep change often follows similar steps to the stages of mourning. And they are, in a sense, grieving the loss of the old way of being, even if that way of being was not for their highest good. Most people, when faced with this, go through the following stages:
- Stage One: Shock/denial
- Stage Two: Emotional reaction
- Stage Three: Trying to keep things the same without change
- Stage Four: Emotional bottom
- Stage Five: Opening to change
- Stage Six: Temptation to backslide
- Stage Seven: True change
It is common for people who are attempting to enforce better boundaries to falter when the person in question is in any of the earlier stages, but as you can see giving in too soon would not create any kind of lasting change. It would only be agreeing to continue the same old patterning.
People do change all the time, in fact, that is exactly what the energies you are in are insisting upon. There will absolutely be times when people change for the better and become a safe person to have near to you again. But true and lasting change is a process that requires self awareness, introspection, and true and consistent action steps that reflect their authentic desire to be different.
It is a wise human being who doesn’t rush back in but allows the other the time and space they need to evolve out of the old patterning. If the person is willing to do the work of changing, and if you are willing to give them the space they need to do that work, as well as exploring and healing what made you a willing dance partner in the old patterning, there can absolutely be an opportunity to come back together in a new, far more healthy and mutually beneficial way.