I’m about to have a phone call with an old friend and I was wondering what I’d tell her when she asks how I am.
And it developed into an internal check-in, the recording of which may assist others to see where they’re at and where they’ve come from in, say, a year.
My emotional floor has risen from a year ago. You know, when we say, he fell through the floor? That floor has risen.
In fact I very seldom these days go into negative territory. I had a great example the other day. A friend asked a really big favor of me. Can’t say what. But it obliged me to go to a cafe for a few hours, alone, in the rain, in locked-down Vancouver.
I cheerfully obliged. I then wrapped myself in a hooded winter jacket and walked out into a rainy night with the wind blowing.
I watched myself. I could have said, “Oh, poor me. Out alone on a rainy night. Don’t know how long I’ll be. Why do I do these things?”
But I didn’t. I walked slowly, continued to reflect as I had at home, and walked very thoughtfully to this very nice Vancouver coffee shop. There I treated myself to a hot chocolate, which I never do. I made an occasion of it. (1)
Notwithstanding I was working on a book on the Divine Mother, which creates a lot of bliss, I was drenched in bliss anyways, until relieved of duty.
Now this is unlike me. I would never pass by good grounds for complaint in the old days. This could earn me a lot of biscuits and brownie points. What was I doing passing by this opportunity?
And at that moment I saw what I was now after. And here the situation has clarified completely since, say, last year, and explains the change in my behavior.
I am after love, bliss, and ecstasy.
I agree with myself that how we feel is the most important thing to human beings and so, if I receive any reward for all this, besides your support, let it be love, bliss, and ecstasy.
There’s no reason to let go of that because I’m in the rain, or sitting alone at a coffee shop in locked-down Vancouver, or whatever else is waiting for me to extort good grounds for complaint from.
When I feel love, bliss, or ecstasy, I feel complete, satisfied, taken care of. God, you can go on to the next One if you like. I’m good over here.
With your love, bliss, and ecstasy, Lord, nothing is wanting; nothing is missing. Thank you. All I want is more.
And thank you for allowing me to do this work.
(1) Yes, I was carrying my computer (and hard drive!) and having conniptions and flashbacks galore. I was practically shaking and heavy breathing at times. I was checking my bag every block, even though there was no reason to.